Purpose Archives - Farther to Go!

How Many of these Myths Do You Believe?

March 12, 2015 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

These six beliefs are so pervasive they seem to be embedded in our culture. Most of them are meant to be motivational, but because they aren’t true, belief in these myths can have unintended consequences that harm rather than help. Ultimately, we need less external motivation and more straightforward education about how the brain and the mind actually work. Then we’ll be able to generate our own motivation—from inside.

Myth #1: We always have a choice.

The reality is that we rarely have a choice. The majority of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are the result of automatic brain processes. We operate on autopilot most of the time because that’s how our brain is wired. Contrary to popular belief, there’s not much we can do about that. But that’s neither an excuse nor a reason to give up. What we can do is reprogram some of our automatic behavior so it reflects what’s important to us and what we really want.

Myth #2: Anything is possible.

Sure there are lots of things we have the ability to change. But the reality is that we all have limits and constraints; we all face obstacles; and randomness plays a much greater role in our lives than we’d like to admit. No matter how many hours I put into practicing the violin, for example, if I have no musical talent (and I don’t), I will not be the next Jascha Heifetz or Joshua Bell. However, the more I practice the violin, the better a violinist I will become because although I may not be good, I can always get better.

Myth #3: To live a satisfying life, we need to identify our life purpose or passion.

The reality is that no matter how hard we search, we won’t find our life purpose because we don’t have one. In fact searching for a particular life purpose seems to lead more people to a state of paralyzing anxiety than it does to a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment. Giving up on the life-purpose myth can open the door to living with passion—which means identifying what we really want and then creating a big, juicy, satisfying life on our own terms.

Myth #4: It takes will power to achieve anything significant.

The reality is that will power is an unreliable resource that is easily exhausted. Will power and self-control are unequal to the task of changing habits or behavior or achieving big goals. We don’t need—and can’t get—more will power. What we do need is perseverance. Perseverance is what keeps us steadily moving toward the desired outcome regardless of setbacks or obstacles, adjusting course as we go. I call perseverance magic because it is.

Myth #5: If we focus our attention on the result we want, we’re more likely to get it.

The research has been in on this one for quite a while. The reality is that focusing on the end result (or outcome) of something we want actually decreases the likelihood we will get it. On the other hand, focusing our attention on the process—the individual steps or actions we need to take—increases the likelihood we’ll be successful.

Myth #6: We should always trust our gut.

The reality is that our gut instinct—otherwise known as intuition—is situation-specific and therefore fallible. Our unconscious (System 1) regularly makes suggestions to the conscious part of our brain (System 2). That’s what intuition is. If we know a lot about something or have a lot of experience in a particular area, we can probably rely on those suggestions. But intuition is not magic. In areas where we have no knowledge, skill, or experience, relying on intuition is a mistake. When intuition isn’t based on anything, it’s no better than a wild guess.

Letting go of these myths is one giant step toward creating a more deeply satisfying and meaningful life.

Inside Week 6 of What Do You Want?

June 12, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

This is the sixth and final–but hopefully not forever–guest post by Jean S., who has been sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2, week 3, week 4, and week 5.

This week we continued exploring and, in some cases, expanding the list of what our heart is connected to, in terms of Big Picture Wants. Having our own personal list of Big Picture Wants (which are fairly intangible), helps us assess whether—and how—the things we are doing now or the goals we are going after fit into this firmament of our own “cosmic values” (my term, not Joycelyn’s).

We can better assess whether we are spending time in activities that don’t get us to any of our Big-Picture Wants. Life is too short for that! So if I suspect this is the case, I want to look deeper to see if there isn’t some Big-Picture type reward, perhaps one I haven’t yet identified, that I am getting from this activity. If something I’m doing seems like a drag or I do it without enthusiasm, it would help me see it and do it differently if I saw it as part of the bigger picture—as getting me one of my BPW’s. But if there is no connection and I do it “just because,” then maybe I could ditch that activity. My suspicion is that many of these kinds of activities actually are connected to the BPW’s, but we don’t usually look at them through that lens.

In order to have my heart in the process of going after my goals, there has to be a relationship between those goals—the things I want to accomplish—and my Big-Picture Wants.

One of the assignments of this final week was to take inventory of our relationship to goals, basically our history with them. We were to list three goals we have achieved, and describe how we did it. Next we were to list three goals we attempted but did not achieve and describe what happened. Finally, we were to identify three goals we are currently working toward or want to work toward and the progress we’ve made. (Curiously, some of us in the group did not complete the section on goals attempted but not achieved, and those who did complete it reported that it was very difficult to do.)

Before my closing story, I want to thank Joycelyn for the opportunity to make these weekly reports. If they sounded like gobbledygook, that means I either didn’t do a good job or perhaps you need this course. It was a real eye-opener and learning experience for me and, I’m pretty sure, for my cohorts in this class. Writing the reports has helped me get more out of the class, and helped me get my feet wet in writing for someone other than myself or my loved ones (although, of course, it’s always for myself!)

A Cow of One’s Own

So now, here is one of my goals that I have achieved. I offer it as much for my entertainment as for yours, and with the encouragement of my classmates:

When I was a young woman, I wanted very much to have a Jersey cow, to be close to her and to take care of her.

How I did it: I kept the goal in front of me, particularly in images such as repeating images of a Brahman cow (which I believe, while still around, are thought to be ancestors of the Jersey) on a bedspread on our bed, for several years. When it was time (for our family) to move on in our life, one of two major requirements in deciding where to move to was to have a small farm so we could have at least one Jersey cow. The other major requirement was being near the sea. I reviewed with one of my farmer cousins the needs and requirements of a milk cow, and eventually we settled in to our small farm by the sea. And when we were ready, the cow appeared.

I haven’t thought, yet, about what Big-Picture Want the cow had to do with, but I assure you there is one! And, by the way, she really was a teacher.

Inside Week 5 of What Do You Want?

June 5, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

This is the fifth guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2, week 3, and week 4.

Now that we have gone through the entire four-week list of “What I really want is…” entries, sorting all the answers into as many categories as we seem to have, we are learning what kinds of things Big-Picture Wants are. Some things seem so important that they must be BPW’s, but upon reflection we find we can unpack them further—by asking again: why? Most of what we do gets us something, hopefully something positive, but is what we think we get out of it the real reason we find it worthwhile to do ?

Big-Picture Wants are the “ends,” the motivators of all our consciously determined behavior. They are not the automatic urges of System 1, the unconscious.

Probing reflection is a tool we use a lot here. Writing to answer the question why? sometimes leads to unexpected results. For instance, here is one of mine: To the question, “What is one thing you really want?” I answered: To have enough income so we don’t have to worry about money.

Why? To be able to discharge our responsibilities to our children.
Why? It is the right thing to do. My husband and I took on the assignment of helping these boys grow and learn and launch onto the seas of life.
Why? The job of parents is to “show them the ropes” of life–even in the world of nature.
Why? We want them to find that which makes them sing in their hearts, to be good, decent human beings, able and willing to help others and contribute to the world while supporting themselves.

This is a somewhat simplistic and incomplete exploration. I stopped there, yet can see it could have gone farther. The surprise for me is to see that while the One Thing I was probing was the desire to have more money, much of what I explain in the exploration of it either has nothing to do with money or has been accomplished without our having much money, anyway. Funny how I mislead myself without knowing I have done that.

Your Big-Picture Wants, by the way, are not some list Joycelyn or someone else came up with. They are YOURS. Once we will have identified at least most of our Big-Picture Wants, then we can use goals, habits, and intentions as the means to getting our Big Picture Wants.

For sure I can see that more money is not a Big-Picture Want. What we may want the money for, though, can point us to some Big-Picture Wants. The goal of “enough money not to have to worry about money” is a means to the ends, perhaps, of Love, Joy, Contribution, Purpose, and several others I can think of.

Fortitude: Don’t Leave Home Without It

April 28, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

Fortitude is the mental toughness that keeps you going when the going gets tough. Fortitude helps you deal with adversity, overcome obstacles, and keep on keeping on instead of giving up. If you’re going to take on any kind of a challenge, you’ll need a heavy dose of fortitude.

Fortitude is kind of an old-fashioned concept and isn’t too popular in a lot of circles. Acknowledging the need for it implies that you’re likely to face difficulties, that things won’t always—or ever—go smoothly or quickly or the way you want them to. Further, it implies there’s value in being able to overcome and learn from the problems that beset you rather than, say, caving in, blaming others (or bad luck), or throwing a temper tantrum.

There’s an interesting correlation between fortitude, expectations, and success. The people who have succeeded in accomplishing what they set out to do generally expected to succeed. But they also expected it wouldn’t be easy. People who expect success to come easily aren’t prepared for the difficulties and even setbacks they encounter. They tend to quit and to blame the circumstances instead of recognizing their own lack of fortitude. It just wasn’t in the cards.

Unpacking this single word exposes all kinds of great qualities, including:

Strength
Courage
Endurance
Determination
Resilience
Perseverance

Fortitude isn’t showy. It’s an inner strength that rests on a belief in yourself and in what you’re doing. It doesn’t mean you don’t have doubts; it just means you don’t give in to them. It doesn’t mean you don’t get tired or temporarily discouraged; it just means you take a break and then get back to work. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel like quitting; it just means you stay the course instead.

Whether or not System 1 (your unconscious) will help you or hinder you in situations requiring fortitude depends on whether it sees what you’re doing as a mater of survival or as a threat to your survival. But System 1 isn’t really the place to look for mental strength or toughness. You have to use System 2 (the conscious part of your brain) to override fatigue, fear, uncertainty, temporary defeat, setbacks, and obstacles. If you’re clear about what you want–and why you want it–you can use your brain to keep you on the path to achieving it.

I put fortitude at the top of my list because without it, you’re hamstrung before you even begin.

Roll the Dice

April 12, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

English: A pair of dice Español: Dados cúbicos. — (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been thinking lately about randomness and probabilities. And then there’s this poem by Charles Bukowski.

On the face of it, it seems to have more to do with commitment than with rolling the dice. But maybe he’s talking about taking a chance–or taking the chance. The big one.

if you’re going to try, go all the way.
otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.

go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.

if you’re going to try, go all the way.
there is no other feeling like that.
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with fire.

do it, do it, do it.
do it.

all the way
all the way.

you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, it’s
the only good fight
there is.