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Brain-Based Transformational Solutions

J Is for Juicy

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orange-juicy

You probably know that juicy means full of juice or succulent. But it’s the second meaning of the word, richly interesting, that I want to focus on. Synonyms for interesting include: engrossing, fascinating, riveting, gripping, compelling, captivating, engaging, and enthralling. Synonyms for richly include: vividly, deeply, intensely, vibrantly, elaborately, lavishly, elegantly, splendidly, and exquisitely. You can put together your own combination of words to define juicy for yourself.

I’m hungry for a juicy life. I lean out my window at night and I can taste it out there, just waiting for me. ―Brigid Lowry, Guitar Highway Rose

What are the things that make your life richly interesting or deeply engrossing or intensely engaging? Maybe you can recite a list off the top of your head. But maybe you haven’t really given much thought to it. There are so many things you’re required to do, so many things you should do, and so many things you just do automatically that asking yourself how juicy any of them are might seem sort of silly or indulgent.

Here’s the thing, though: if you want to change any aspect of your status quo, you’ll have to contend with the unconscious part of your brain which wants no part of change. Change is potentially dangerous and definitely disruptive. So the unconscious part of your brain (System 1) prefers to play it safe by keeping everything just as it is right now. Because System 1 is much faster than the conscious part of your brain (System 2), it wins most contests that involve change.

So when you set out to change an existing habit or start a new one, or to pursue a goal, the habit or goal—or at least your desired outcome—needs to be more compelling to you than System 1’s agenda of maintaining the status quo is to it. Juiciness is highly motivating. If what you want is juicy enough, you’ll continue pursuing it in spite of both the obstacles you may encounter and the resistance your brain will put up.

Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you’re passionate about something, then you’re more willing to take risks. —Yo-Yo Ma

Get to Why

You may have a strong desire to do something without being clear about why you want to do it or what outcome you’re hoping for. This isn’t an uncommon situation. It seemed like a good idea at the time. If that’s the case, however, before you start trying to make the change, ask yourself why you want to do it. It’s worth expending some effort evaluating what you’re really up to: creating a juicier life or heading down a dead-end road.

alphabet-changeThe trick is to ask why forward rather than backward. Usually we ask why in an effort to come up with an explanation about something that already happened or to discover the past source of a current problem. Since we’ll never have access to all the information we need to get an accurate answer, asking why backward generally amounts to a lot of wheel spinning.

But asking why forward is actually useful and can even be revelatory.

  • Is there something you want to do or someplace you want to go? Why?
  • Is there a decision you’re trying to make? Why are you considering it?
  • Is there a goal you’re working toward? Why?
  • Is there a habit you’re trying to start? Why?
  • Is there a change you’re thinking about making? Why?
  • Is there something you want to get or have? Why?

Don’t stop with asking why once. If you keep asking the question, you’ll eventually get to the bedrock answer, at least for now. You’ll get closer to the heart of what’s at stake. You’ll be in a better position to decide what to do. If your why is juicy enough, you’ll be more motivated to go after it. If you can’t find the juiciness, you’re better off letting it go rather than setting yourself up for a slog you probably won’t make it through.

Juicy and Passionate

If your why is juicy enough, you’ll be passionate about doing whatever it takes to get there: the doing, the learning, the creating, and the problem-solving. Working toward your goal won’t feel like work no matter how effortful it might be. Passion keeps you engaged and helps you through the rough or confusing spots, so you’re more likely to keep going instead of getting bored or giving up. Obsession isn’t always a bad thing.

So why aren’t we all engaged in living, or aiming to live, the juiciest life possible? Why aren’t we going all in with passion and intensity? Since passion and juiciness are so important, essential even, when it comes to changing our behavior, why haven’t we fully embraced them? I suspect what gets in the way is us, specifically the things we tell ourselves, our considerations, our expectations, the preconditions we demand of life, or fear of feeling fear. Or maybe it’s embarrassment. It’s not cool to be too excited about something.

I like to just think of myself as a normal person who just has a passion, has a goal and a dream and goes out and does it. And that’s really how I’ve always lived my life. —Michael Phelps

We’re afraid of stepping up, taking a risk, facing uncertainty, getting hurt or burned, failing, caring too much, or exceeding our reach. The unconscious part of our brain is wired for survival, not for juiciness and passion.

What gets in the way of living passionately isn’t our circumstances; it’s our own self-talk that keeps passion at arm’s length. If we want to live a juicy life, we can start doing it any time. There’s nothing to search for or to find, either within or without. There’s nothing stopping us from going after what’s succulent, what richly interests us, but ourselves.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

How Can You Live Passionately?

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passion

We don’t go looking for a solution until we have a problem to solve.

This is one of those things in life that seems pretty straightforward—and sometimes it is. But surprisingly often it isn’t. It’s more likely to be straightforward when the problem or issue at hand is small or simple and less likely to be straightforward when the problem is big or complex.

Complex problems can be difficult to see clearly. The unconscious part of our brain has a couple of habits that prevent us from seeing and defining complex issues of any kind. For one thing, it’s quick to jump to conclusions and to treat those conclusions as facts. For another, it craves certainty and being right, so it’s more comfortable with things that are easy to understand and that it already knows something about.

The result is that from time to time we go off on wild goose chases seeking a solution to the wrong problem because we asked the wrong question. No matter how good the solution, it won’t solve that particular problem.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the idea—or problem, if you will—of living with passion. If I believe passion means a passion, such as a calling—what and who I am meant to be—then the question I might ask is “What is my passion?” or “How can I find my passion?” That’s not an uncommon way to define the problem. Those are not uncommon questions to ask. And numerous roadmaps and processes are available to assist me—purportedly—in finding and following my passion.

But that’s not the only way to define the problem. In fact, it’s fairly narrow in scope and definition. If I believe living with passion requires finding my passion that makes me an arrow in search of a target, hoping I can hit the bull’s eye. What if I fail in my quest? Am I doomed to the booby prize: a passionless life?

If instead I ask, “How can I live a passionate life?” of “How can I live passionately?” that leads me down an entirely different path and to a much more interesting question: “What gets in the way of living passionately?” Now this is a worthy question to ask.

What gets in the way of living passionately?

I suspect the answer is the same for everyone. What gets in the way is us, specifically the things we tell ourselves, our considerations, our expectations, the preconditions we demand of life, or fear of feeling fear (occasionally known as excitement), and on and on. We’re afraid of stepping up, taking a risk, facing uncertainty, getting hurt or burned, failing, caring too much, or exceeding our reach. The unconscious part of our brain is wired for survival. Passion is definitely not part of its plan.

What gets in the way of living passionately is not our circumstances. It’s our own non-stop mental blah, blah, blah that keeps passion at arm’s length. If we want to live passionately, we can start doing it any time. There’s nothing to search for or to find, either within or without. There’s nothing stopping us from living passionately this very moment but ourselves.

What’s getting in the way of living passionately for you?

Inside Week 4 of What Do You Want?

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This is the fourth guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2 and week 3.

During this class we took some time to consider our personal responses to the oft-quoted Marianne Williamson statement: “There is no passion to be found in playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Has this quote ever taken your breath away?  Have you ever looked this quote in the eye and asked yourself which way you are living—with passion, or settling?  Or what?  And why?

I find that to think about “the life I am capable of living” versus the life I have lived so far is both scary and exciting at the same time.  I think about how frequently I “play small,” rather than BE who I really am—magnificent and brilliant.  I’m sure this is true of others.

Living with passion, I suspect, is what happens when we engage with even the little things in each day, rather than just to go along, get along, get by each day.  When I bring my own, unique contribution into the world, it’s an offering that only I can give, which is energizing in its own way—for me and, perhaps, for the world around me.

You may find this sort of investigation leads to other questions.  More questions lead to more thought and probably some insights. This is good! As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Well, you know how spreading that around ended for him. Watch out, Joycelyn.

Follow Your Bliss, Find Your Passion, and Other Misguided Advice

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what I want

Have you located that nebulous and elusive thing called bliss, passion, essence, or calling? Are you living your legend? Have you discovered who you are and what you are here to do? The proliferation of books, courses, workshops, theories, and gurus offering to show us where to look and how to find it suggests that lots and lots of people have bought into this idea (which appears to have been perpetuated by the New Agers and many intelligent, educated people who ought to know better).

Included in the message is a sort of imperative along with a sense of urgency: if you don’t find out what you’re supposed to do (so you can do what you love), you’re missing out Big Time! But the belief that we must discover the particular thing we are meant to be doing in order to generate this feeling of bliss or ignite our passion often results in nothing more than a paralyzing seizure of anxiety.

I’ve done my share of participating in this bliss-quest game. And I’m actually pretty aware of what excites and fully-engages me and what makes me feel energized and alive. But what I’ve learned, among other things, is that there’s no seed hidden deep within me (presumably within my unconscious as opposed to within my actual physical body) that holds the key to unlocking my passion, calling, bliss, or whatever you want to call it. In fact, the unconscious is exactly the wrong place to look for that sort of information since—far from being a secret garden—the unconscious is mainly composed of decades of random programming, zombie (automatic) subroutines, and bad or outmoded habits. Its primary job is to keep us alive, not to enliven us. The unconscious is the main enforcer of the status quo.

Head Trips and Stalemates

Along with being exhorted to find and follow our bliss, we are conversely cautioned to distinguish our wants from our needs so that we can direct our efforts and attention on filling our needs instead of satisfying our wants. Needs = important. Wants = unimportant. So one message is that needs matter but wants don’t and another message is that it’s extremely important for us to take the time and put in the effort to discover what we want. The result is that most people can’t answer the question what do you really want? and in this climate of confusion they settle for immediate gratification, which is ultimately unsatisfying.

There are two more factors that muddy the waters. One is the insidious and deadening effect of clutter, which can take up so much of our conscious attention that we literally can’t think straight. How can we possibly focus on what we really want when we’re preoccupied trying to find stuff, remember stuff, organize stuff, and plan how to deal with our stuff? When our lives are filled with clutter, there’s not much room in our heads for anything else.

Another element is that we confuse wants with goals. We don’t know what we really want, but we set goals for ourselves anyway. Often our goals are things we believe we should do or should achieve. It isn’t surprising that the failure rate for reaching such goals is extremely high. But a goal is a means to an end. It encompasses the actions that will get us something we want. If we haven’t identified the end, the goal is meaningless. I began a strength training program at a new gym at the beginning of October. Going to the gym for an hour and a half twice a week is a goal that moves me toward all kinds of things, such as energy, strength, health, and a sense of well-being. I don’t always feel like going, but I’m committed to getting the results. I know why I’m going; so I go whether I feel like it or not.

Big Picture “Wants”

I wrote about my 30-day challenge to answer the question what do I really want? here. Since then I completed and reviewed my 30 index cards, which contain 481 individual items. Some items surprised me, and it was interesting to see what kinds of things showed up the most. (As an aside, going to the gym did not appear once.) After mulling it all over, I realized that every item on those cards fit into at least one of 12 categories, what I call my Big Picture Wants:

Freedom
Energy
Stimulation
Clarity
Equanimity
White Space
Creativity
Joy
Resilience
Connection
Expansion
Impact

Five years from now, I might want other things, but these are the things I want to have in my life right now. And there are all kinds of different ways to get them. Working out at the gym gets me freedom, energy, resilience, and connection, for example. Just identifying these big picture wants helped me gain clarity and equanimity.

Identifying big picture wants expands the playing field rather than contracting it. There is no one right path or course of action to realizing them; there are many different paths, many different ways to be yourself, express yourself, contribute yourself, and enjoy yourself.

Contact Me

joycelyn@farthertogo.com
505-332-8677