Buddha is supposed to have described the mind as resembling a drunken monkey that’s been stung by a bee. The monkey mind is a restless mind. It chatters incessantly, jumps from thought to thought the way a monkey jumps from tree limb to tree limb, is easily distracted, undisciplined, unquiet, and often confused.
If you’re like the rest of us, you probably have many conflicting wants, needs, and goals but little available mental space in which to sort them out. Most of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are not even consciously generated. They’re the result of what neuroscientist David Eagleman calls zombie systems.
Your unconscious (System 1) passes along suggestions to consciousness (System 2) that you experience as impressions, intuitions, intentions, and feelings. If System 2 endorses them—which is most of the time—those impressions and feelings turn into beliefs. If System 2 doesn’t veto or modify the impulses generated by System 1, they turn into actions.
Monkey mind is a result of your brain’s wiring. You can’t eliminate the monkeys, but neither do you have to let them run amok. The best way to get them under some degree of control is to start tuning in to your self-talk.
You’re engaging in some variation of self-talk whenever you:
- Explain yourself to yourself
- Explain external events and other people to yourself
- Assign blame
- Rationalize
- Justify
- Judge
- React to events and other people
- Rehash events
- Mentally argue with yourself or others
- Come to conclusions
- Try to make decisions
- Recall past events
- Berate yourself
- Make comparisons
- Make predictions about the future
- Encourage yourself
- Give yourself directions
- Remind yourself or keep a mental to-do list
- Rehearse for the future
Much self-talk is not very productive or what you would call positive. But self-talk can have a very powerful effect on you.
Anyone listening in on your internal monologue, particularly in times of nerves, anxiety, or fear, might hear a verbal rabbit hole of unreasonable negativity and self-berating. —Janet Choi
Self-Talk Helps Maintain the Status Quo
The incessant jabbering in your brain is one way System 1 keeps you from veering off course. If you’re satisfied with the course you’re on, thank System 1 for helping you stay on it. If you’re trying to change some aspect of your behavior, however, listening unquestioningly to your self-talk is problematic. It’s part of the ongoing narrative your inner interpreter spins to make sense of your life. It may not seem like a big a deal, but it is. It’s as if you’re being blasted incessantly with so much propaganda from a dictatorial regime that you eventually come to believe it.
Believing your own self-talk can lead to a whole host of additional problems.
Negative Self-Talk Keeps You Down
When your monkeys are in charge, it’s harder to:
- Remember
- Concentrate
- “Do the right thing”
- Relax
- Learn
- Maintain your equanimity
- Respond to life’s challenges
- Experience joy
- Follow through on your intentions
- Be present
It’s also easier to:
- Make mistakes
- Stress out
- Get depressed
- Make snap judgments
- Blow things out of proportion
- Lose sight of the bigger picture
- Get into arguments
- Miss what’s right in front of you
- Get hijacked by external (often fleeting) events
- Continue unproductive habits
Frequent Negative Self-Talk Can Lead to Rumination
According to Susan Nolen-Hoeksema of Yale University, the definition of rumination is: a tendency to passively think about the meaning, origins, and consequences of your negative emotions.
Rumination isn’t the same as worry. Worry tends to be focused on the future (an anticipated threat), while rumination tends to be focused on the past or present (some form of loss). Almost everyone ruminates from time to time, but rumination has the potential to become a mental habit you can fall into automatically without thinking about it. And habits are notoriously difficult to break.
Rumination feels like problem-solving but it actually prevents you from solving problems because it keeps you focused on negative events and emotions.
Frequent rumination leaves individuals highly vulnerable to several problematic outcomes, particularly future episodes of depression. —Michael Anestis
You can ruminate about external situations and events and about relationships or you can ruminate over your own perceived mistakes and shortcomings (self-rumination).
Addressing Negative Self-Talk
If your self-talk has a tendency to accentuate the negative, you can help yourself avoid getting sucked into the vortex by practicing self-distancing. All that means is getting a little space between you and your self-talk so you are not stuck inside your own head.
Two ways to do that are:
- Avoid Talking to Yourself in the First Person
If you use the first person when you talk to yourself, switch to the second- or third-person or address yourself by name. This allows you to gain some perspective regarding the situation. Getting into the habit of using second-person, for example, or addressing yourself directly diminishes the voice of your inner critic.
. - Have a Dialogue with the Wiser You
Assemble paper, pen, and a timer. Begin by asking your Wiser Self a question about the situation (or feelings) at hand. Allow a written dialogue to evolve between you and your Wiser Self. Ask for suggestions and encouragement. Then use your self-talk to give yourself instructions and support.
Some of the bonuses of practicing self-distancing are:
- A decrease in rumination
- An increase in problem-solving ability
- Disruption of the status quo
- More self-awareness
- Greater confidence
Self-Observation
Tuning in to your self-talk is a good way to find out what’s going on in there (inside your head). The problem is that once you start paying attention to your self-talk, you’ll likely feel an overpowering urge to change it. It’s difficult for us to observe anything without having a judgment about it, so observing your self-talk will take practice.
You can develop the habit of paying attention to your self-talk if you get a pocket-sized notebook to carry with you. When you notice your self-talk, jot down the date, time, and a brief summary of (or comment on) your self-talk. The more often you write in it, the more aware you will become of the way you talk to yourself, what you talk to yourself about, and what effect it has on you.
Remember that Self-Talk Radio is always on the air—so you can tune in any time.
Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.
