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Brain-Based Transformational Solutions

The Forward “Why?”

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why-is-the-new-because
(Photo credit: screenpunk)

After years, probably decades, of dismissing why? questions as irrelevant and pointless—especially in regard to human behavior—I’ve finally found a use for them!

The problem with why? questions is that we almost always ask them in the wrong direction. We ask them backward instead of forward.

We ask why something that happened happened the way it did. We ask why people are the way they are or behave the way they behave. We ask why we are the way we are. We’re looking for explanations, rationales, reasons, or maybe even excuses. But those questions can’t really be answered, at least not with any degree of certainty. We simply don’t have, and never will have, all the information. We don’t even have all the information about what’s going on right this second, let alone anything that happened in the past.

The other problem with asking why? about what already happened is that it involves spending a lot of time looking backward. Our heads get stuck in the past searching back there for answers to questions about our present or even our future. All we can expect to come up with is a facsimile of an answer and not even a reasonable one.

Asking “Why?” forward instead of backward, however, is actually useful. More than that, it can be revelatory.

  • Is there something you want to do or someplace you want to go? Why?
  • Is there a decision you’re trying to make? Why are you considering it?
  • Is there a goal you’re working toward? Why?
  • Is there a habit you’re trying to start? Why?
  • Is there a change you’re thinking about making? Why?
  • Is there something you want to get or have? Why?

The list goes on.

Don’t stop with asking why? just once. If you keep asking why? repeatedly, you’ll eventually get to the last answer. Then you’ll know something you may not have known before. You’ll get closer to the heart of what’s at stake. You’ll be in a better position to decide what to do.

The backward why? is just a habit of thought. It can’t take us anywhere new. It has no surprises. The forward why? is where all the action is. It can dissolve limits and barriers. It can open up our world.Enhanced by Zemanta

The State of a Mind

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Mind Games no.171
(Photo credit: dek dav)

State of mind—the state of our cognitive processes—is a kind of framework within which we operate any time we’re awake. Some basic states of mind are:

Distracted
Mindful
Focused
Autopilot
Flow
Wandering/Daydreaming
Meditative
Ruminative
Reflective
Anxious

There are more states that could be added to this list, but these 10 cover a pretty wide swath of the territory. Obviously our minds are important to us. Where would we be without them? They are running at one speed or another, in one direction or another, all day long. And yet I doubt we pay much attention to the state our mind is in from one moment to the next.

When I started writing this post, I was somewhat distracted, but now I’m more focused. Focused seems like a more appropriate state of mind for composing a post on states of mind—or on anything, really. Anxious or meditative wouldn’t help get the post written, nor would daydreaming or being on autopilot. Some reflection would be helpful; in fact, I’m going to slip into a reflective state of mind in a minute. Rumination, on the other hand, would just slow the whole process down.

…

During my reflection, I realized that I engage in a lot of activities that require my mind to be focused. I find many of these activities enjoyable, but whether or not I enjoy being focused, focus and concentration use more energy than some other states of mind do. Being on autopilot is much easier, as is daydreaming and being in flow. It’s no accident that autopilot is the default state of mind; it consumes a pretty insignificant amount of energy.

Mindful and meditative states of mind, while unarguably and demonstrably beneficial, can’t be maintained indefinitely, which means they fall toward the high energy-using end of the spectrum.

Our states of mind come and go, ebb and flow, throughout any given day. Occasionally they do so by our bidding, but more often they shift on their own. We are not in charge of our brain, says Michael Gazzaniga, and this is simply more evidence of that.

If we were to pay attention to our state of mind to try to identify what it is, we might discover whether or not it’s a good match for what we’re trying to do in the moment. If it isn’t, maybe we could do that thing later, when our state of mind is a better match. Or maybe we could take a few minutes and change not our mind, but our state of mind. Simply recognizing that we are always operating within one state of mind or another—as is everyone else—might help to eliminate some of our inner and interpersonal conflict.Enhanced by Zemanta

Reset Your Mindset

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learning to ride a bike - _MG_2933
learning to ride a bike

A mindset is the set of ideas, beliefs, or attitudes with which you approach situations or through which you view them. Mindsets have something in common with habits since they tend to be habitual, which means somewhat unconscious.

You can have mindsets about yourself, another person, a group of people, a place, a time of year, a type of music, a political organization—actually just about anything. A mindset is not just an opinion. It is more complex than that.

And it can have surprisingly far-reaching effects.

Dueling Mindsets

Some mindsets have more profound effects on our lives than others. In her 2007 book Mindset, Carl Dweck describes two general mindsets—the fixed mindset and the growth mindset—that can lead to quite different experiences and outcomes.

In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.

In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.

Dweck’s work on mindsets has been applied to the field of education, where children’s mindsets are often formed. Children praised for their talents and abilities (fixed mindset) tend to avoid taking on challenges they think are beyond their abilities. Children praised for their effort and persistence (growth mindset) tend to take on additional challenges in order to learn from them.

Be Good vs. Get Better

Following in Dweck’s footsteps, Heidi Grant Halvorson describes these two mindsets as Be Good and Get Better. People who have a Be Good mindset are focused on proving themselves, demonstrating their skills, and comparing themselves to others. If they think they aren’t already good at something, they tend to either not want to try to do it or to give up if they don’t experience quick success.

People who have a Get Better mindset are focused on improving, rather than proving, themselves; developing, rather than demonstrating, their skills; and comparing their current performance to their own past performance rather than to others’ performance. They aren’t afraid to try something new because even if they’re no good at it now, they can always get better.

The Be Good mindset may be good when it comes to performance, but it doesn’t have much else to recommend it. People with a Get Better mindset generally handle challenges better, get less upset when things go wrong, don’t give up as easily, are more comfortable with the new and the unknown, and get more interest and enjoyment out of what they do. People with a Get Better mindset use whatever happens to them—the good, the bad, and the ugly—as well as their own missteps and miscalculations, to help them get better.

This type of mindset isn’t a black-or-white kind of thing. You can have a Be Good mindset about some things and a Get Better mindset about others. It’s worth cultivating a Get Better mindset in as many areas as possible. But, as Halvorson says, it’s important to have a Get Better mindset about changing to a Get Better mindset.Enhanced by Zemanta

I Think; Therefore, I Pay Little Attention to What I Do*

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thought
(Photo credit: ** RCB **)

We know other people based on what they do. How else could we know them? And we infer all kinds of things about them from their behavior—especially from their habitual behavior.

Say someone you know is routinely late, and his lateness affects you. He may be full of apologies each and every time. He may have reasons to offer up to explain his lateness. He may claim he really, really wanted to be on time—and that may really be true.

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. –Carl Jung

You can’t know for sure what he’s thinking, though; you can only know for sure what he does. And it will be next to impossible for you not to draw some conclusions about him based on his behavior. Such as:

  • He’s disorganized.
  • He’s inconsiderate.
  • He has a poor sense of time.
  • He’s self-centered.

You’d likely dismiss your friend’s vigorous insistence that he intended to be on time. Actions, you might be inclined to say, speak louder than words—or well-meant intentions.

Put the shoe on the other foot, however, and the story takes an interesting turn. When it comes to our own behavior, we’re more likely to expect others to take into consideration not just what we do, but also what we intended to do (or, in some cases, what we would have intended if we’d actually put any thought into it). In fact, we expect others to accept our intentions as being even more important—and indicative of who we are—than our actions. It’s the thought that counts, right?

All of us tend to grant much more significance to what we think, intend, plan, and wish for than to what we do. So if what we do misses the mark or doesn’t live up to our or someone else’s expectations, it’s entirely too easy for us to write off the behavior, dismiss it, or excuse it. That isn’t the real me. It doesn’t reflect who I am. It’s just something I do.

I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts. –John Locke

What we do says quite a lot about who we are—if not to us (because we’re not paying attention)—to other people. Other people are inferring things about us based on our behavior just as we’re inferring things about them based on theirs. If we recognize that what we do tells others who we are, we don’t have to expect them to try to read our minds in order to understand us. Of course, that means we need to pay more attention to what we do—as well as to what we say we’ll do.

*Slight apologies to Rene Descartes.Enhanced by Zemanta

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