Living Archives - Farther to Go!

Pursuing Happiness? Don’t Get Stuck on the Hedonic Treadmill

December 12, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

When you’re on the hedonic treadmill, you need to keep moving in order to maintain your existing state of happiness. That means acquiring more and more of the things or experiences that initially brought you pleasure. The problem is that attempting to maintain a steady-state of happiness is unnatural. Pursuing happiness may not be the way to attain it.

Here is some food for thought on the subject of happiness and its alternatives.

The human animal, like others, is adapted to a certain amount of struggle for life, and when by means of great wealth homo sapiens can gratify all his whims without effort, the mere absence of effort from his life removes an essential ingredient of happiness. The man who acquires easily things for which he feels only a very moderate desire concludes that the attainment of desire does not bring happiness. If he is of a philosophic disposition, he concludes that human life is essentially wretched, since the man who has all he wants is still unhappy. He forgets that to be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. —Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

Constraints give your life shape. Remove them and most people have no idea what to do: look at what happens to those who win lotteries or inherit money. Much as everyone thinks they want financial security, the happiest people are not those who have it, but those who like what they do.
–Paul Graham, Programmer, Writer, Investor

Happy chemicals did not evolve to be on all the time. They evolved to promote your survival. …Happy chemicals flow when you see a way to meet your needs. …Unhappy chemicals feel bad because that works. It gets your attention fast. —Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D. Meet Your Happy Chemicals

Uncertainty can preserve and prolong our happiness, thus we might expect people to cherish it. In fact, the opposite is generally the case. —Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness

We know now that external circumstances don’t predicate happiness. As we know, there are many poor people who are very happy and wealthy people who are extremely depressed, suicidal. What I’m talking about is the daily experience of a meaningful life. I find that when people feel like they have meaning in their lives, they define themselves as happy. They want to get up in the morning. It’s not just a fleeting experience because they had a glamorous holiday or won the lottery or something, but they actually have meaning. Meaning brings fulfillment. So the first imperative is self-awareness. —Max Strom, author of There Is No App for Happiness

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. —Ashley Montagu, Anthropologist

Imagine that you are part of a grand experiment in which you are provided with everything you need. At regular intervals, you are given gifts of money, food, love, sex, fame—whatever you want. The only catch is that you can do nothing that increases or decreases the likelihood of obtaining these rewards. In fact, in order to receive the rewards, you have to spend eight hours a day in a room doing nothing—no career to occupy your time, no one to talk to, no books to read, no paintings to paint, no music to compose—in short, nothing to engage you. Even though you can get any reward you want, this would be a hellish life. —Timothy D. Wilson, Strangers to Ourselves

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. —Carl Jung, Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist

Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind. —Marcel Proust

We are living in an era in which the Happiness Industry invades and permeates society and every unpleasant aspect of life is frowned upon, and dismissed as an unnecessary social ill. Rather than learning to cope with or contemplate certain aspects of life – fear, sadness, loneliness and boredom – we avoid them, gradually removing our ability to tolerate even the most mundane of the difficult aspects of life. —Siobhan Lyons, Philosophy Now

Sunshine dulls the mind to risk and thoughtfulness. —Adam Alter, Drunk Tank Pink

Inside Week 6 of What Do You Want?

June 12, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

This is the sixth and final–but hopefully not forever–guest post by Jean S., who has been sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2, week 3, week 4, and week 5.

This week we continued exploring and, in some cases, expanding the list of what our heart is connected to, in terms of Big Picture Wants. Having our own personal list of Big Picture Wants (which are fairly intangible), helps us assess whether—and how—the things we are doing now or the goals we are going after fit into this firmament of our own “cosmic values” (my term, not Joycelyn’s).

We can better assess whether we are spending time in activities that don’t get us to any of our Big-Picture Wants. Life is too short for that! So if I suspect this is the case, I want to look deeper to see if there isn’t some Big-Picture type reward, perhaps one I haven’t yet identified, that I am getting from this activity. If something I’m doing seems like a drag or I do it without enthusiasm, it would help me see it and do it differently if I saw it as part of the bigger picture—as getting me one of my BPW’s. But if there is no connection and I do it “just because,” then maybe I could ditch that activity. My suspicion is that many of these kinds of activities actually are connected to the BPW’s, but we don’t usually look at them through that lens.

In order to have my heart in the process of going after my goals, there has to be a relationship between those goals—the things I want to accomplish—and my Big-Picture Wants.

One of the assignments of this final week was to take inventory of our relationship to goals, basically our history with them. We were to list three goals we have achieved, and describe how we did it. Next we were to list three goals we attempted but did not achieve and describe what happened. Finally, we were to identify three goals we are currently working toward or want to work toward and the progress we’ve made. (Curiously, some of us in the group did not complete the section on goals attempted but not achieved, and those who did complete it reported that it was very difficult to do.)

Before my closing story, I want to thank Joycelyn for the opportunity to make these weekly reports. If they sounded like gobbledygook, that means I either didn’t do a good job or perhaps you need this course. It was a real eye-opener and learning experience for me and, I’m pretty sure, for my cohorts in this class. Writing the reports has helped me get more out of the class, and helped me get my feet wet in writing for someone other than myself or my loved ones (although, of course, it’s always for myself!)

A Cow of One’s Own

So now, here is one of my goals that I have achieved. I offer it as much for my entertainment as for yours, and with the encouragement of my classmates:

When I was a young woman, I wanted very much to have a Jersey cow, to be close to her and to take care of her.

How I did it: I kept the goal in front of me, particularly in images such as repeating images of a Brahman cow (which I believe, while still around, are thought to be ancestors of the Jersey) on a bedspread on our bed, for several years. When it was time (for our family) to move on in our life, one of two major requirements in deciding where to move to was to have a small farm so we could have at least one Jersey cow. The other major requirement was being near the sea. I reviewed with one of my farmer cousins the needs and requirements of a milk cow, and eventually we settled in to our small farm by the sea. And when we were ready, the cow appeared.

I haven’t thought, yet, about what Big-Picture Want the cow had to do with, but I assure you there is one! And, by the way, she really was a teacher.

Inside Week 5 of What Do You Want?

June 5, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

This is the fifth guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2, week 3, and week 4.

Now that we have gone through the entire four-week list of “What I really want is…” entries, sorting all the answers into as many categories as we seem to have, we are learning what kinds of things Big-Picture Wants are. Some things seem so important that they must be BPW’s, but upon reflection we find we can unpack them further—by asking again: why? Most of what we do gets us something, hopefully something positive, but is what we think we get out of it the real reason we find it worthwhile to do ?

Big-Picture Wants are the “ends,” the motivators of all our consciously determined behavior. They are not the automatic urges of System 1, the unconscious.

Probing reflection is a tool we use a lot here. Writing to answer the question why? sometimes leads to unexpected results. For instance, here is one of mine: To the question, “What is one thing you really want?” I answered: To have enough income so we don’t have to worry about money.

Why? To be able to discharge our responsibilities to our children.
Why? It is the right thing to do. My husband and I took on the assignment of helping these boys grow and learn and launch onto the seas of life.
Why? The job of parents is to “show them the ropes” of life–even in the world of nature.
Why? We want them to find that which makes them sing in their hearts, to be good, decent human beings, able and willing to help others and contribute to the world while supporting themselves.

This is a somewhat simplistic and incomplete exploration. I stopped there, yet can see it could have gone farther. The surprise for me is to see that while the One Thing I was probing was the desire to have more money, much of what I explain in the exploration of it either has nothing to do with money or has been accomplished without our having much money, anyway. Funny how I mislead myself without knowing I have done that.

Your Big-Picture Wants, by the way, are not some list Joycelyn or someone else came up with. They are YOURS. Once we will have identified at least most of our Big-Picture Wants, then we can use goals, habits, and intentions as the means to getting our Big Picture Wants.

For sure I can see that more money is not a Big-Picture Want. What we may want the money for, though, can point us to some Big-Picture Wants. The goal of “enough money not to have to worry about money” is a means to the ends, perhaps, of Love, Joy, Contribution, Purpose, and several others I can think of.

Know When to Get Assistance

June 2, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

If you work by yourself or live by yourself (or both), you already know how much there is to do and to keep track of every single day. When there’s no one else to pick up some of the slack, the sheer volume of it all can be overwhelming. Believing that you can and should be able to do it all will not make it so. But it can wear you down mentally, emotionally, and physically.

It will wear you down mentally because our brain provides us with a limited amount of conscious attention each day, and when we’ve used it up, we can’t just shift into another gear to get more. When you are trying to do it all, you may find yourself squandering your conscious attention on things that need to be done but that don’t further what you’re trying to accomplish in life. Too many days or weeks of this and you could begin to wonder if what you’re trying to accomplish is worth it or if you’ve really got what it takes.

It will wear you down emotionally because you will inevitably fall behind, miss a target or an actual deadline, or lose track of something. And then you’ll feel bad about it. You’ll feel bad about yourself. If you believe you should be able to do it all, you’ll feel guilty and incompetent when you don’t. If you’re the rugged individualist or self-reliant type, you’ll feel like you just need to work harder to keep on top of everything. Even worse, you could lose your sense of humor.

It will wear you down physically because trying to do everything is exhausting—whether or not you actually get everything done. Mental and emotional stress creates physical tension. You may let your self-care routines go—or at least skimp on them. No time to get to the gym, no time to prepare a healthy meal, no time for a vacation or even a break. You may develop a constant low-level state of anxiety you aren’t even aware of. Trying to do it all can stress your body, weaken your immune system, and make you physically ill.

If you’re in this kind of situation, the best thing you can do is get out of it as soon as possible.

Consider making a list of all the things you do or are responsible for that can only be done by you and another list of all the things that could possibly be done by someone else, even if you have to pay for having it done. You may think you’re saving money (or being self-reliant) by trying to do it all, but that approach can break your spirit. By trying to do it all, you put yourself in jeopardy of losing it all.

I fall into the self-reliant category, and my life-long tendency is to try to figure out how to do whatever has to be done and then do it myself. Sometimes that’s paid off. But even when it has, I’ve often ended up spending an inordinate amount of time learning about something plenty of other people already know how to do. When I do that, I eliminate the amount of time I can spend doing what I know how to do that others may not.

Within the past couple of months, however, I’ve loosened the reins and have begun getting some assistance in three areas: office/organizational, website, and recreational (seriously). I’m not yet taking full advantage of the assistance that’s available to me because old habits die hard. It requires my conscious attention to bypass the tendency to just do it myself. Yet I already feel an enormous sense of relief in realizing that I don’t have to hold up my entire world…all day…every day…ad infinitum.

[NOTE: This post is the sixth in a series. See also When the Going Gets Grueling, Fortitude: Don’t Leave Home Without It, Focus: Keep Your Eyes on the Prize, Patience: Learn to Play the Waiting Game, and Embrace Uncertainty.]

Inside Week 3 of What Do You Want?

May 22, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

This is the third guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1 and week 2.

What I Really Want Is… (working with the cards)

In order to keep up with the pace we need in order to take the steps Joycelyn has designed for this process of getting to the heart of the matter in 6 weeks, I find I have to schedule in the writing time each day, or it gets shoved aside more often than not. After all, it’s a course, and I’m not really taking the course if I don’t do the homework. What a coincidence—being able to write every day is one of my prime desires. How sweet!

A Cow of One’s Own

If you’re in this kind of situation, the best thing you can do is get out of it as soon as possible.

What I Really Want Is… (working with the cards)

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