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Brain-Based Transformational Solutions

Inside Week 3 of What Do You Want?

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This is the third guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1 and week 2.

More Questions Than Answers

Any time we set out to solve a problem of any sort is a good time to question whether we have found the right problem, first. Creative problem finding was the main focus for week 3 of the What Do You Want? course.

What I am learning is that in making a list of “what I really want is…,” it is useful and interesting at some point to ask of an answer that comes up, “What problem that I have would that solve?”

There is sometimes more than one core reason that we want a thing, more than one need we think it will fill. So keep bouncing off the “want” with another answer to the question, “What problem would this solve?” This is, perhaps, a specialized form of the why? questions of last week. “What problem would that solve?” can help us see where a “want” has many layers, many threads that can be teased out.

Then after asking “What other problem does that solve” and getting perhaps multiple and diverse answers, another question may be asked: “What other ways might there be by which I can get “the thing that I really want?” This is the process of finding the right problem.

Handouts and writing activities in class included exploring one thing we want in more depth by repeatedly asking why? to dig below the first or usual responses our brain serves up to us.

What I Really Want Is… (working with the cards)

In order to keep up with the pace we need in order to take the steps Joycelyn has designed for this process of getting to the heart of the matter in 6 weeks, I find I have to schedule in the writing time each day, or it gets shoved aside more often than not. After all, it’s a course, and I’m not really taking the course if I don’t do the homework. What a coincidence—being able to write every day is one of my prime desires. How sweet!

Inside Week 1 of What Do You Want?

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This is a guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. More posts by Jean will follow, on consecutive Thursdays, as she gives us her perspective on the rest of the sessions.

Nila's Mama (Left) Preforms with a Barbershop ...
Barbershop Quartet (Photo credit: Lea LSF)

I used to think there was something wrong with me because there are things I really, truly want and need to do before I die, and yet I haven’t gone after them, or even half-satisfied the need. In the first meeting of the What Do You Want? course, I learned that it isn’t a flaw in me. It’s System 1, the unconscious, doing its job, what it knows how to do, which is maintaining the status quo. That’s a biggie. As Joycelyn said, “The unconscious keeps you alive, but isn’t interested in enlivening you.”

There are always worksheets which we complete in class, and if not done in class would be harder to do on my own at home. We learn and expand our own thinking as we take turns sharing our thoughts and writing, which we could not do at home, alone. By writing in class, we are sure to get it done, or at least get the process started.

We are never asked to share things that we are not ready to, although sort of by the nature of this work, we end up sharing a lot and finding we have a strong, mutually supportive group.

The main assignment for this week was to fill out one 5″ x 8″ card per day, dedicated to completing the sentence that starts: “What I really want is…” I have gotten past criticizing my every entry. I hear when it starts to sound like a “what I don’t want is…” list. My entries can range from little things that have been bugging me in my environment, such as “What I really want is a new, hand-held shower head,” to somewhat more elusive goals such as “to be clear as much as possible about how to behave so as to be my best self.”

I don’t pay attention to whether it makes sense to put something on this list.  I just keep writing. Day after day, many of the same things come up and this tells me they must really be important enough to me to do something about.

Then there are little surprises, like “What I really want is to sing in a Barbershop Quartet.”

The class is provocative, as Joycelyn has many ways to shift our thinking and our understanding about the way we work. This is a great investigation, and I see how exposing it all to light will help us make a difference in our “status quo,” even if we sometimes drag our feet in the process.

Is It Too Late to Turn Around?

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English: A fork in the road Which way should i go?
A fork in the road Which way should i go? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are headed. –Lao Tzu

It doesn’t matter how old we are, we can still find ourselves traveling on the wrong road heading straight toward something we know isn’t—or is no longer—right for us. Or maybe we don’t yet fully know it, but we’re definitely beginning to suspect that something about this road isn’t right. The older we are, however, the harder it can be for us to pull up, take stock, and change direction. Depending on how far along the wrong road we’ve traveled, it may seem easier to stay in denial rather than acknowledging we’re on the wrong path. Maybe we have a heavy stake—financial, time, or otherwise—in continuing along that road.

Sometimes we can look back and see a different fork we wish we’d taken. On the other hand, we may not have a concrete idea of where it is we actually want to go. In that case, it may seem like a waste of time to even think about whether or not to stay on the road we’re already on. What’s the point? Or maybe the very idea that we’re on the wrong road is kind of embarrassing, and that’s why we don’t want to admit it. But those are not good reasons to continue putting one foot in front of the other and moving closer and closer to a destination you no longer want to reach.

Is the path or road you’re traveling meaningful to you? Can you define what that meaning is? If not, or if you’re not sure, why not step back and at least clarify for yourself what it is you’re doing. If you know you don’t want what’s at the end of the road you’re on, do yourself a huge favor: stop. If you know where it is you want to go, start figuring out how to get there.

You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight. –Jim Rohn

We won’t have the opportunity to change course after we’re dead, so if that’s what we need to do, the time to do it is now.

What Do You Want?

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I want that!
I want that!

If you can rattle off your answer to this question by ticking items off on your fingers, good for you! If your response is a blank stare, however, or a shrug of embarrassment, you’re definitely not alone.

Maybe you believe you should know what you want, and you think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t. Maybe you have a vague idea. Or a mental basket you’ve stuffed full of ideas over the years that’s done nothing but accumulate dust.

Maybe the only thing you’re sure about is what you don’t want.

Or maybe there’s something powerful that’s pulling you in a particular direction, but you need a lot more clarity in order to figure out if that’s where you really want to go.

There are plenty of books and courses out there that begin by claiming you really do know what you want. Do they mean to imply that you’re just being stubborn when you insist that you don’t? There are also a few books aimed at helping you figure out what it is you want and then showing you how to get it.

I won’t say the books and courses in the first category don’t have anything to offer, because many of them do. The problem I found with them is that their starting points were premature. I wasn’t there yet. Sure, there were a lot of things I could do and have thought about doing. But I wanted to dig deeper and do some more exploring first.

Books, courses, and workshops that focus on helping you figure out what you want (or want to do) are generally designed to take everyone through the same series of exercises and processes. I don’t like the one-size-fits-all approach for many reasons, but the biggest one is that most people simply don’t follow through. Maybe the exercises are too daunting. Maybe they simply aren’t appropriate for everyone (or for the stage of life a person is in). Maybe as we get older, we tend to rebel at doing homework. Maybe life gets in the way. Sometimes it’s a combination of all those reasons and more.

The upshot is that there are a lot of good ideas, exercises, processes, books, workshops, and courses that already exist. But a year and a half ago, when I was ripe to engage in the process of figuring out what I wanted to do next, I couldn’t find anything that felt like a good fit. I needed to start from the place where I was at right then and there. So I did, making it up as I went along.

I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads.
Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.

–Rosalia de Castro, author and poet

Ultimately, not knowing is the very best possible place to start from. So if you don’t know, but you’d like to and you’re curious, then right now you’re in the perfect place.

Contact Me

joycelyn@farthertogo.com
505-332-8677