Commitment Archives - Farther to Go!

C Is for Commitment

November 16, 2016 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

When you set out to accomplish something significant or change a longstanding habit, do you stop to consider how committed you really are to doing it? You may have plenty of good reasons for wanting to do it. You may be able to rattle off the positive consequences that are likely to result if you succeed or the negative consequences if you fail. But altering the status quo isn’t easy. Reasons and potential consequences hold no sway over the unconscious part of your brain, which strongly prefers that you continue doing exactly what you’ve been doing up till now.

Making a commitment means binding yourself—intellectually, emotionally, or both—to a course of action. Some commitments in life are implied or assumed. For example:

following the rules of the road when you get a driver’s license
performing your job to the best of your ability after you’re hired
treating your employees fairly after you hire them
being considerate and faithful to your partner or spouse
providing for your children

Clearly some people “bind themselves” to these commitments more than others do. If you feel bound by your commitment, you’re more likely to follow through even if it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable to do so. Otherwise, you’ll find it easier to slack off and easier to come up with explanations and excuses as to why you did. The exigencies of the moment will feel more compelling than the course of action you never fully committed to.

Reality Check

Before my clients begin filling out a Goal Action Plan, I ask them to complete a “Reality Check.” Part of the reality check includes rating themselves in the following three areas on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest:

certainty (how confident you are that you can achieve the goal)
passion (how much you want it)
commitment (how willing you are to bind yourself to the course of action)

Failure to Commit

People are unwilling to fully commit to a goal or a habit change for a variety of reasons.

Are you afraid of trying, failing, and disappointing yourself and/or others? The reality is that making a half-hearted commitment usually leads to half-hearted efforts which then lead to half-hearted results. This is a great example of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Are you trying to keep your options open? It’s true that committing to one course of action generally means not pursuing other courses of action. And it’s true that you might miss out on something. But the reality is that trying to keep all of your options open doesn’t enhance your life; it prevents you from fully living it.

You can have what really matters to you or you can have the freedom to NOT have it, but you can’t have both.

Are you waiting to see how things turn out before making a full commitment? (I’ll give myself three months and if things aren’t panning out by then, I’ll give up or switch to Plan B.) Although this sounds like a reasonable approach, it’s self-defeating. The reality is that we can’t single-handedly control the outcome, but we do have complete control over the extent of our commitment.

Going All-In

We often refuse to make a commitment, even to something we really want or that really matters to us.

Sometimes it’s hard to go “all in” when you don’t know how things are going to unfold. But fully committing yourself to a course of action actually has an effect on the outcome. When you’re fully committed to a course of action:

You don’t waste time rethinking your decision.
Instead of looking for ways to avoid taking action, you look for ways to take action—and by you, I mean your brain. Making a commitment alters your mental model and your perception. You literally see things differently—and see different things. Also your brain connects the dots in different ways.
You’re more likely to find your way around obstacles and to keep going even when you don’t feel like it.
You don’t have to rely as much on willpower and self-control in the face of temptation and the urge for immediate gratification.
You tend to view the results you get as feedback that you can use to adjust your course.

If you want to change your status quo, you need to take action, you need to be persistent, and you need to figure out how to overcome obstacles. But first you need to make the commitment to do those things. You won’t know ahead of time what your experience will be or how things will turn out. But making a commitment will increase your chances of success.

Are you holding back? Are you keeping something in reserve? For what?

If you’re not fully committed to a course of action, why are you taking it? If you set out to do something, be fully engaged in doing it instead of a sideline observer. Aim to get it done, not to wait and see how it all turns out.

This post is part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

Got Goals?

August 24, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

Goal You probably won’t be surprised to learn that people who set low goals or no goals tend not to accomplish much. On the other hand, people who set goals not only get more done, they also tend to be happier and more satisfied with their lives. In addition, people who set and achieve challenging goals increase their self-confidence and self-esteem.

A goal without a plan is just a wish. –Seth Adam Smith

A goal is a specific state of affairs that a plan is intended to achieve and that (when achieved) terminates behavior intended to achieve it. In other words, once you complete the plan, you are finished working toward it. Formulating a goal is the first step toward achieving it. If you get this wrong, you will have a tough time getting what you want. A well-formulated goal identifies both a specific state of affairs and the time by when you intend to achieve it:

I intend to lose five pounds by November 1st rather than I want to lose some weight.

Two factors that will greatly increase the likelihood you will achieve your goal are:

Knowing why you’re doing it (how does it relate to what really matters to you?).
Making a commitment to doing it.

One follows from the other. If you aren’t sure why you’re setting or working toward a goal, you’ll have a harder time making a commitment to achieving it. There’s no point in putting time, effort, and energy into doing something half-heartedly or half-way. Of course, making a commitment doesn’t mean you can see into the future and know what the outcome will be. There are no guarantees. But if you build escape clauses and wiggle room into your goals right from the start, you’re probably wasting your time. Once you know why you want to achieve a goal and you have made a commitment to doing what it takes, these three steps can help you seal the deal:

Write it down. Writing out your goal can help you clarify it and solidify your commitment.
Make it SMART. That means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.
Develop a plan. A plan consists of the action steps you need to take in order to achieve that specific state of affairs you are now committed to creating in your life.

Now go out there and make something happen!

What’s Wrong with Precommitment Devices?

August 10, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

Odysseus tied on the mast. Icon for the Greek ...

A precommitment device is a strategy for forcing yourself to do something you think you should do but you don’t actually want to do. You might resort to a precommitment device if your will power and self-control have failed to do the trick. The most famous example of someone using a precommitment device is Odysseus having himself tied to the mast of his ship to avoid the temptation of the sirens.

The most common precommitment devices involve agreeing to forfeit a certain sum of money if you fail to achieve a goal or accomplish a particular task. You could make an agreement with yourself to donate money to a charity if you fail to attend the gym three times a week, lose a specific amount of weight, or complete the next chapter of your book. Of course, if you’re the only one who knows about this agreement, you can easily waffle and wiggle your way out of it.

A more binding agreement would be to agree to pay a friend that same amount of money if you fail to meet your goal. Not only would you lose money, you would also experience some degree of shame. That’s the premise behind precommitment devices: we will do what’s good for us in order to avoid the threat of negative consequences. That’s also what makes them problematic.

Underlying the popularity of precommitment devices is the assumption that we are, in general, rational beings who want to avoid negative consequences. But there’s not a lot of evidence support that idea, and if it were true, we wouldn’t need precommitment devices to begin with. Rational beings who were aware of potential negative consequences would all be healthy, law-abiding, diligent, honest, tidy, sober, rule-following good citizens. Obviously, we are not all that. Precommitment devices have something in common with affirmations, which is that the people they work for probably need them the least.

Loss aversion is one rationale offered for using precommitment devices. It’s true we are programmed to avoid losses, but a loss of enjoyment can be experienced as a loss, too. In some cases a more significant loss than the loss of a few bucks.

Another problem with precommitment devices is that they are black and white. Either you do it or you don’t. You win or you lose. You avoid temptation or you give in to it. This isn’t a scenario that allows for being present, noticing what’s actually happening, learning something about yourself or what you’re attempting to do, or adjusting your course. This is more about getting the upper hand over your recalcitrant, weak-willed self. And when the next such situation arises, you will have to do battle with that bad boy self all over again.

There’s Another Way to Make a Precommitment

Creating an intention is a form of precommitment, too, but one without the threat of negative consequences. Creating an intention also takes into consideration the fact that what you’re attempting is not easy, but without judging your supposed lack of self-control. Changing any behavior is difficult simply because we’re wired to keep doing whatever we have been doing. Creating an intention—as part of the I.A.P. process—allows you to focus on something you want to do or be as opposed to something you don’t want to do or be. It helps you keep your attention on your desired outcome and motivates you to keep going, one step at a time, even when the going is difficult. Instead of having to be good or pay the price for being bad, you aim to keep getting better. You don’t have to initiate or engage in an inner struggle with yourself. And instead of forking over cash when you fail, you get to reward yourself when you succeed.

Have you ever used a precommitment device? If so, how did it work for you?

One Foolproof Way to Derail Yourself

June 26, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

We all do it. It seems only reasonable. And because of the consistent and predictable result it gets us, we even feel vindicated afterward for doing it.

What is it? It’s not making a full commitment to something: a goal, a project, a habit, a relationship. The fact is we can refuse to make a full commitment to just about anyone or anything. We don’t know how things are going to turn out, so we try to hedge our bets. We hold back—sometimes just a little, but other times quite a lot.

We have various reasons for holding back. Whatever we want is too big. We don’t know exactly how to do it or achieve it. We’ve never done anything like that before. We don’t want to look foolish if we fail. Most of the reasons amount to the same thing: we’re unable to accurately predict the future and be certain of the outcome.

Given what we don’t know about how things will turn out, not making a full commitment seems to be a reasonable, rational stance. But not making a full commitment is actually one of the factors that affect outcomes. It isn’t the only factor, and it may not turn out to be the most significant one, but it’s one factor that is entirely within our control.

Making a 100% commitment to something doesn’t guarantee we’ll succeed. There are no guarantees. But being fully committed definitely gives us an advantage we don’t have when we’re holding back. When we’re fully committed we approach things differently, we see more possibilities and opportunities, stick with things longer, are willing to put in more time and effort, and can be surprisingly creative and innovative.

If we fully commit to something and don’t quite get there, at least we know we went for it. We did as much as we could. We’ll find out a little more about what we’re made of. How much this thing we’re after means to us. How hard we’re willing to work to get it. How high we can really reach. And even if we don’t make it all the way, we won’t be saddled with regret over not having tried.

When we don’t fully commit and don’t quite get there, we’ll never know what we could have done if we had gone for it.

What’s Choice Got to Do with It?

June 23, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

What’s the difference between the things you want to do that you’re actually doing and the things you want to do that you’re struggling with doing?

It often comes down to this: you think you have a choice about doing the things you’re struggling with.

If you’re clear about why you’re doing something (or want to do something) and you’re committed to doing it, you don’t waste ongoing time and effort choosing whether or not to do it each time the situation arises. What kind of sense would that make? It’s something you want to do, you know why you want to do it, and you’re committed to doing it. It may not be easy, but that’s a separate issue. The point is that there’s nothing to be gained—and something to be lost—by not doing it.

If you have a kid in school who you pick up every afternoon, you don’t think I really should go get Josh, but nah, I’m going to stay home and watch this movie.

If you have a job you value, you don’t wake up each morning wondering Hmmm, what should I do today? Go to work? Check out the horse races? Maybe drive out to the coast for a leisurely lunch?

If you have a pet you care for, you don’t ask yourself Should I buy food for Fluffy this week or spend the money on a bottle of wine?

Picking up your kid after school every day may be inconvenient. Getting up and going to work may be an effort some days more than others, even if you love you job. Caring for a pet can be expensive (and maybe Fluffy needs to be on a diet, but still…). There may be some struggle involved in all three situations—but the struggle isn’t about whether or not to follow through on your commitment. It’s a given that you will.

So if you think you have a choice about whether or not to do something, you probably aren’t clear about why you want to do it and you aren’t committed to doing it.

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Thanks to the participants of the Create Your Own Story! course for inspiring this post.

Reality Check

Failure to Commit

Going All-In

There’s Another Way to Make a Precommitment

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