Apparently, there are some extraordinary people out there who can cure whatever ails us, physically or psychologically. We know this because they excel at self-promotion to the extent that they’re difficult to escape. One of them is the neuroscientist who shall remain nameless and who seems to have spawned a minor genre of professionals debunking his overblown and/or inaccurate claims.
Another is motivational speaker, author, and podcast host Mel Robbins, who can provide us with dating and relationship advice, health advice, sleep advice, explain how we can control our thoughts and feelings, tap into our “limitless potential,” reset our brain, get a handle on stress and anxiety, achieve our goals, lose weight, handle criticism, be happy, confident, and creative, stop getting gratitude wrong (where have I heard that before?), and get along better with our in-laws and other family members. As to the latter, I recommend relocating. It worked for me, so I think that makes me an expert in this field.
She’s the author of several best-selling books, has given a “viral” TED talk, and is a frequent guest on the incestuous self-help circuit. I learned these things by searching online. Prior to the kerfuffle after the December 2024 publication of her most recent book, I had encountered her once, randomly, on You Tube, watched a few minutes of a talk, and moved on, although LinkedIn keeps suggesting I should connect with her. I watched her TED talk and a podcast episode on The 5 Second Rule and read a short excerpt of The Let Them Theory before writing this. I also watched some podcasts and read some posts by others that address the controversy—or I should say outrage—surrounding The Let Them Theory. I’ll put some links at the end.
Prior to her extremely successful stint as a motivational speaker, Robbins was a criminal defense lawyer. This is important.
In a nutshell, The Let Them Theory reminds us that we can’t control others, so we should simply let them do whatever they’re doing. This might sound either obvious or like it could be about our relationships with other people—that it expresses some generosity of spirit—but it’s really not about them. It’s about us and not letting the bad things they are doing get to us. This is questionable advice offered by someone with Green Operating System to other people with Green Operating System. It’s based on Robbins’ interpretation of Let Them, a “theory” that did not originate with her.
No Gratitude for You!
The person who popularized this phrase is Cassie Phillips, who wrote a poem titled Let Them in 2019. This and a subsequent poem titled Let Me became very popular. Phillips gave permission for the poems to be used freely by others. She had “Let Them,” in her own handwriting, tattooed on her inner arm. Many others followed suit.
People familiar with Phillips and her poems were quite surprised that Robbins doesn’t mention Phillips, either in her book or in the frequent guest appearances during which she describes her “discovery” of the concept and the writing of the book she considers to be her “legacy.” It may be her legacy, all right, just not the one she intended.
As if this complete lack of acknowledgement isn’t sufficient insult or injury, Robbins is attempting to trademark the phrase Phillips came up with. If she were to be successful, it would mean no one could use the phrase without her permission, and if anyone did (say some of the many people who have had Phillips’ permission to use it for the past couple of years), Robbins could sue them. Her applications were rejected—for good reason—but she didn’t apply the Let Them theory in this instance. Instead she’s filed for a 6-month extension to restate her case, which means this issue won’t be resolved until later this year. So much for taking your own advice.
Irony Abounds
I’ve seen Robbins give credit to people whose work she couldn’t get away with claiming as her own. It seems especially egregious, given the personal narrative she’s crafted about her rise to success, that she has no problem trampling on people who have fewer resources than she has and essentially stealing from them.
That seems to include her own daughter, Sawyer, who Robbins identified as co-author of The Let Them Theory but whose name was notably absent from the book’s cover. After being called out on this, Robbins recently “gifted” her daughter with credit as a birthday present. (Aren’t you glad you’re not a member of that family?) Sawyer’s name is now included under Robbins’ name, in much smaller print, where it used to say “New York Times Bestselling Author.”
So here is a person, Mel Robbins, who came across a concept articulated by someone else and decided not only to run with it and fail to acknowledge the source, but also to burn the person who had contributed her work to the world in a genuine act of generosity. This is deeply, deeply disturbing behavior. Maybe even pathological.
I would find it odious in any human being but Robbins makes a living advising people on how to live their lives. But it’s important to understand that her purpose in developing a motivational speaker career was to make a lot of money and be successful. She’s tapped into a large audience that is ripe for seduction by motivational hucksterism with little inclination to look behind the curtain. Unlike Phillips, Robbins and her followers—as well as her enablers in the self-help world—are not remotely interested in assisting people in identifying or reaching for aspirational goals. They’re interested in the quick fix, the clever or memorable turn of phrase, the NYT bestseller list, the external signs and trappings of adulation, approval, and material success.
Robbins is a prime example of someone who is in a position where both the experience and the expression of gratitude are wholly appropriate. She ought not to have to be told to publicly acknowledge Cassie Phillips and her daughter, Sawyer. But as I mentioned in a previous post, people like Robbins may talk about gratitude and have much, in theory, to be grateful for, but they aren’t the ones developing a gratitude practice or even expressing gratitude on a personal level. They want to succeed. And it’s more important to them that their success be perceived as a function of their work, their talent, their insight than it is to acknowledge the contributions of others. They need to maintain the narrative. As a result, they don’t just fail to add value to the world; they subtract value from it.
Some links:
Cassie Phillips on Instagram
Sage Justice on Substack
Andy Mort | The Gentle Rebel podcast
angyl can’t read
Previous posts in this series: Should You Practice Gratitude? ~ The Cosmic Gift & Misery Distribution System ~ Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
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