If there’s one sure bet we can all make, it’s that things won’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we drop the ball and other times external circumstances keep us from following through with our intentions.
Obstacles and setbacks are part of life. They don’t mean anything in and of themselves. We’re the ones who imbue them with meaning, such as using them as reasons for slacking off or giving up. If at first we don’t succeed, we might decide it’s just not worth the effort or that we don’t have what it takes. A more practical and realistic approach is to assume the path ahead won’t be a smooth, straight line and to figure out ahead of time how to respond to the twists, turns, and bumps we’re bound to encounter.
When it comes to our behavior, changing the brain’s programming isn’t easy. Acting deliberately and staying focused requires conscious attention, which is in short supply. When we try something new, we’re not going to be perfect right out of the gate—or ever. Perfection isn’t a worthy goal. It’s better to aim for doing better next time. Persistent effort will eventually persuade the brain that we really mean what we say.
But persevering doesn’t mean doggedly persisting. Sometimes there’s a good reason to stop attempting to do something. One of the benefits of paying attention is that we’re quicker to recognize when an intention needs to be adjusted or scrapped altogether. Sometimes we just need to pare it down and start with a baby step instead of a giant leap. Persevering means steadily moving toward the desired outcome regardless of setbacks or obstacles, adjusting course as you go.
Setbacks and obstacles are part of life. There’s no point bemoaning them, chastising ourselves, or making excuses. All we need to do is pick up where we left off and keep going. Most things in life aren’t a competition or a race. It doesn’t matter when we get there. All that matters is that we arrive.
Perseverance isn’t flashy or catchy or stylish. It’s often linked with discipline and endurance and sounds like something that’s good for you or that builds character. But perseverance is the key not only to reprogramming the brain’s autopilot, but to accomplishing anything of significance.
There must be millions of examples of people, with a goal in mind, persevering despite set backs and eventually achieving their goals; but equally many examples of perseverers not achieving their goals – or even anything worthwhile – as a result of their perseverance.
Any ideas, Jocelyn, on knowing when it’s right to say, “OK, I’ve done my best, now on to something else.”?
Good point and great question! Thank you.
For anyone who has been pursuing a goal for a long time without achieving it, it can be helpful to stop and take stock. Ask yourself why you want to achieve this particular goal. What do you hope to get from it? If you can identify what you’re trying to get by achieving it (sometimes reflection, writing, or even daydreaming can help with that), ask yourself if there are any other ways to get that thing. I see a goal as a means to an end rather than as an end in itself. It’s easy to get stuck on one particular path as the only means to achieving that end. But often there are other ways to get there that might be equally—or even more—satisfying.
It’s also good to take a dispassionate look at what’s getting in the way. What are the actual obstacles or limitations? How much control do you have over them? How big are they—really? What’s the cost of continuing? What’s the cost of not continuing? If the cost of continuing is high and the potential payoff is not in sight after a long period of perseverance that might be a good time to let go and move on.
If you decide to let go, what’s your story going to be? If you’ve given it your best shot, your story’s more likely to be something like: I didn’t reach my goal, but I did this and this and this and learned this and this, and here’s what I found out about myself. But if you haven’t given it your best shot, your story’s more likely to be: It just didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be, I’m a failure—or some variation on that theme.
I hope that got in the neighborhood of answering your question. .