A fork in the road Which way should i go? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are headed. –Lao Tzu
It doesn’t matter how old we are, we can still find ourselves traveling on the wrong road heading straight toward something we know isn’t—or is no longer—right for us. Or maybe we don’t yet fully know it, but we’re definitely beginning to suspect that something about this road isn’t right. The older we are, however, the harder it can be for us to pull up, take stock, and change direction. Depending on how far along the wrong road we’ve traveled, it may seem easier to stay in denial rather than acknowledging we’re on the wrong path. Maybe we have a heavy stake—financial, time, or otherwise—in continuing along that road.
Sometimes we can look back and see a different fork we wish we’d taken. On the other hand, we may not have a concrete idea of where it is we actually want to go. In that case, it may seem like a waste of time to even think about whether or not to stay on the road we’re already on. What’s the point? Or maybe the very idea that we’re on the wrong road is kind of embarrassing, and that’s why we don’t want to admit it. But those are not good reasons to continue putting one foot in front of the other and moving closer and closer to a destination you no longer want to reach.
Is the path or road you’re traveling meaningful to you? Can you define what that meaning is? If not, or if you’re not sure, why not step back and at least clarify for yourself what it is you’re doing. If you know you don’t want what’s at the end of the road you’re on, do yourself a huge favor: stop. If you know where it is you want to go, start figuring out how to get there.
You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight. –Jim Rohn
We won’t have the opportunity to change course after we’re dead, so if that’s what we need to do, the time to do it is now.
Last month, The New York Times ran an opinion piece titled, “You Are Going to Die,” written by Tim Kreider. In it, he said:
You are older at this moment than you’ve ever been before, and it’s the youngest you’re ever going to get. The mortality rate is holding at a scandalous 100 percent. Pretending death can be indefinitely evaded with hot yoga or a gluten-free diet or antioxidants or just by refusing to look is craven denial. ‘Facing it, always facing it, that’s the way to get through,’ Conrad wrote in ‘Typhoon.’ ‘Face it.’ He was talking about more than storms.
Baby boomers are often accused of trying to become the first generation to escape death. But lots of baby boomers, including this one, have also read Carlos Castaneda’s books about Yaqui shaman don Juan Matus and remember don Juan’s suggestion that Castaneda take death—which is “always to our left, at an arm’s length”—as an adviser.
Death is the only wise adviser that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you’re about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you’re wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, ‘I haven’t touched you yet.’
Castaneda claimed don Juan also told him:
One of us here has to ask death’s advice and drop the cursed pettiness that belongs to men that live their lives as if death will never tap them.
I wonder if that’s true. If we asked death’s advice, if we took death as a “wise adviser,” would doing so allow us to drop our cursed pettiness?
In The Soul’s Code, James Hillman wrote that within the acorn exists everything the oak tree will “become.” “Each person bears a uniqueness that asks to be lived and that is already present before it can be lived.” We are the acorns.
Each person bears a uniqueness, sure. But the older I get, the less inclined I am to go along with the rest of that sentence. It just doesn’t map onto the world I see around me. How many people in this world are just not interested in the idea of living out their uniqueness, don’t understand the concept in the first place, or are in no position to devote any attention to it? The majority? That’s my wild guess. So what’s up with that? It seems as though you have to be born into the right set of conditions in order to grasp this concept and then be able to identify and live out your uniqueness. The game is definitely rigged.
Most people, I think, either allow or are forced to let other people or their circumstances determine what kind of life they are going to live. A vast number of people worldwide allow their religious or spiritual beliefs to determine the meaning in—and of—their lives. A far fewer number undertake the quest to discover the uniqueness they are here to live and then manage to live it.
Yet people do want meaning in their lives and they want their lives to mean something, no matter what physical/material conditions they’re living in. Whether or not they can articulate it, meaning is important to almost everyone. The lack of meaning can lead to all kinds of ills—personally, socially, culturally, and globally.
But must we have a supernatural explanation for the source of meaning and the reason it is important to us? I don’t think we do. I don’t think meaning is inherent in anything. I believe we create the meaning in our lives—or we fail to create it. When we create meaning and live lives that are meaningful, we and everyone around us are better off for it. When we fail to create meaning, we are dissatisfied no matter how well off we may be. We know something’s missing; we just don’t know what it is.
According to some sages, life is empty and meaningless—and it’s empty and meaningless that life is empty and meaningless. If that’s true, those of us who were trying to find meaning or figure out our unique purpose for being here have got it backwards. Instead of looking for meaning, we need to decide what is meaningful for us and then go out and create that in the world.
A Little Zen Story
I knew a zen master. I asked him about life. He said, “Life is empty and meaningless.”
I said, “That can’t be so!”
He said, “And it doesn’t mean anything that it doesn’t mean anything.”
And I still said, “No!”
Then he said, “And that gives you the freedom to make it up to mean whatever you want it to.”
And I said, “Ahh!”
Is determining what has meaning easy? No, not for most people. But it can be a much more fascinating, creative, and rewarding game than going on a metaphysical scavenger hunt to find meaning. When all is said and done, it may actually turn out to be the only game in town.
Sky Woman from Earth on Turtle’s Back (Photo credit: patentboy)
We are all creative. We must be because we all create. We all make things up. Each day we create thoughts, ideas, meals, impressions, relationships, goals, deals, situations, and objects of all types, shapes, and sizes. We create sadness, happiness, love, peace, violence, and everything in between. We create order out of chaos and chaos out of order. Occasionally we create works of art. To an extent, we create ourselves: each of us is a work in progress.
Sometimes the acts of creation are haphazard and sometimes they are well-thought-out, well-planned, intentional acts. It’s a little bit easier to be intentional about creating when we know that’s what we’re doing. I think one reason we sometimes have a limited view of creation is because we think it only applies to such things as art or music. Maybe we assume you have to have some special ability to create things. Maybe we also assume there is always intention behind creation. But these thoughts or concepts just obscure the reality that we are always in the process of creating something.
Creation is essentially a form of communication. It is how we express our authentic selves in the world. There is a Native American view that each of us possesses original medicine, meaning that we each have something original to contribute to the world. If we’re willing to experiment, to make a mess, to explore both the inner and the outer world, we can better determine what it is that we have to contribute and how we might make our contributions.
Holding back out of fear, false modesty, or an unwillingness to make a mess doesn’t serve us or those around us. Moving forward in the middle of the mess, the uncertainty, and the lack of guarantees is just the way of being in the world, of fully participating. And, really, what else is there to do?
Creativity is not efficient. She has a different relationship to time than most of us. A minute can last a day and a day can last an hour. She loves all the seasons. She is on intimate terms with the sun and the moon. It is New Year’s all year long at her house, what with celebrations for the Celtic, Hebrew, Tibetan, Chinese, Japanese, and other New Years too numerous to mention. Creativity loves to gossip with the birds and put on her masks and beads and dance with the animals. Although bright colors amuse her, she most often wears neutral tones. She is especially partial to off-white.
Some people consider Creativity selfish because she does what she wants I have always found her to be gracious and most generous. She is certainly complex. If you have only met her in a serene mood, her flair for drama may offend you. She is not your aunt with the porcelain teapot who plays chamber music. If you are one of those people who only go to see her when she is starring in a major melodrama, you will not hear her rain songs. If you insist she is mad, you will never see how still her face is when she returns from a dream.
Sometimes Creativity disappears completely or wanders around the back alleys for weeks at a time. She has a strong need to be occasionally anonymous. If you run into her at the post office line during one of these periods, you will probably not recognize her. She is in a different place. It is almost as if her blood has slowed down. When the blank period is over, Creativity brings her free self home with her. Her skin is new. She is ready to work. More than anyone else, Creativity understands the secret meanings of the months when nothing seems to get done.
The Book of Qualities is a beautiful little book that portrays human qualities as characters and gets to the heart of each of them. The assorted qualities Gendler brings to life also make a great journaling keyword list, too.
