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Brain-Based Transformational Solutions

Who Will Your Future Self Be?

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Your past self, your present self, and your future self are three different selves. Daniel Gilbert, who wrote Stumbling on Happiness, explains that we can’t predict what will make our future self happy because the future is fundamentally different from the present–and we lack the imagination to fully recognize and take into account that very basic fact.

I recommend the book and the short TED talk below.

At every stage of our lives we make decisions that will profoundly influence the lives of the people we’re going to become, and then when we become those people, we’re not always thrilled with the decisions we made. 

Most of us have a tough time imagining a tomorrow that is terribly different from today, and we find it particularly difficult to imagine that we will ever think, want, or feel differently than we do now.

Imagination cannot easily transcend the boundaries of the present, and one reason for this is that it must borrow machinery that is owned by perception. The fact that these two processes must run on the same platform means that we are sometimes confused about which one is running. We assume that what we feel as we imagine the future is what we’ll feel when we get there, but in fact, what we feel as we imagine the future is often a response to what’s happening in the present.

Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our life is change. –Daniel Gilbert

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Inside Week 4 of What Do You Want?

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This is the fourth guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. She previously wrote about week 1, week 2 and week 3.

During this class we took some time to consider our personal responses to the oft-quoted Marianne Williamson statement: “There is no passion to be found in playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Has this quote ever taken your breath away?  Have you ever looked this quote in the eye and asked yourself which way you are living—with passion, or settling?  Or what?  And why?

I find that to think about “the life I am capable of living” versus the life I have lived so far is both scary and exciting at the same time.  I think about how frequently I “play small,” rather than BE who I really am—magnificent and brilliant.  I’m sure this is true of others.

Living with passion, I suspect, is what happens when we engage with even the little things in each day, rather than just to go along, get along, get by each day.  When I bring my own, unique contribution into the world, it’s an offering that only I can give, which is energizing in its own way—for me and, perhaps, for the world around me.

You may find this sort of investigation leads to other questions.  More questions lead to more thought and probably some insights. This is good! As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Well, you know how spreading that around ended for him. Watch out, Joycelyn.

Inside Week 1 of What Do You Want?

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This is a guest post by Jean S., who is sharing her experience of participating the 6-week What Do You Want? course. More posts by Jean will follow, on consecutive Thursdays, as she gives us her perspective on the rest of the sessions.

Nila's Mama (Left) Preforms with a Barbershop ...
Barbershop Quartet (Photo credit: Lea LSF)

I used to think there was something wrong with me because there are things I really, truly want and need to do before I die, and yet I haven’t gone after them, or even half-satisfied the need. In the first meeting of the What Do You Want? course, I learned that it isn’t a flaw in me. It’s System 1, the unconscious, doing its job, what it knows how to do, which is maintaining the status quo. That’s a biggie. As Joycelyn said, “The unconscious keeps you alive, but isn’t interested in enlivening you.”

There are always worksheets which we complete in class, and if not done in class would be harder to do on my own at home. We learn and expand our own thinking as we take turns sharing our thoughts and writing, which we could not do at home, alone. By writing in class, we are sure to get it done, or at least get the process started.

We are never asked to share things that we are not ready to, although sort of by the nature of this work, we end up sharing a lot and finding we have a strong, mutually supportive group.

The main assignment for this week was to fill out one 5″ x 8″ card per day, dedicated to completing the sentence that starts: “What I really want is…” I have gotten past criticizing my every entry. I hear when it starts to sound like a “what I don’t want is…” list. My entries can range from little things that have been bugging me in my environment, such as “What I really want is a new, hand-held shower head,” to somewhat more elusive goals such as “to be clear as much as possible about how to behave so as to be my best self.”

I don’t pay attention to whether it makes sense to put something on this list.  I just keep writing. Day after day, many of the same things come up and this tells me they must really be important enough to me to do something about.

Then there are little surprises, like “What I really want is to sing in a Barbershop Quartet.”

The class is provocative, as Joycelyn has many ways to shift our thinking and our understanding about the way we work. This is a great investigation, and I see how exposing it all to light will help us make a difference in our “status quo,” even if we sometimes drag our feet in the process.

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joycelyn@farthertogo.com
505-332-8677