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Anger, Adrenaline, and Arrogance: Addiction to Certainty

September 21, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 8 Comments

Strong emotions—the ones that amp up adrenaline and cortisol levels—increase our confidence. When we’re angry, for example, we’re more likely to feel certain about whatever position we’ve taken. We’re sure we not only know what we’re talking about, but also that we’re right and any other parties involved are wrong.

This feeling of certainty is an illusion, generated by the amphetamine-like effects of anger, which include kicking our metabolism into a higher gear while narrowing our mental focus. The unconscious part of our brain has a natural tendency to discount anything that doesn’t jibe with what we believe. It already automatically narrows our focus. Adding anger (or actual amphetamines, for that matter) to the mix further constricts our focus, sometimes closing our mind altogether.

When we’re angry, we filter out anything that doesn’t support our position. We focus on one or two aspects of a situation, sometimes taking them entirely out of context, and ignore the rest. Our confidence swells, bolstered by the boost of adrenaline, into over-confidence, even arrogance.

Our brain craves certainty and being right. This can be difficult to compensate for under the best of circumstances. When we’re emotionally aroused, it can be impossible—especially when we don’t recognize what’s going on. We’re used to thinking that the level of confidence we have about something is an accurate indicator of whether or not we’re right about it. Sometimes we are right. But the unconscious part of our brain isn’t concerned with such petty details. It’s less interested in whether we’re actually right and more interested in whether we feel right.

The illusion of certainty can be hard to let go of. Who wants to feel uncertain? Who wants to admit they’re wrong? Who wants to think the powerful sense of confidence they feel isn’t altogether reliable? Too often, we do whatever we can, whatever we have to do, to maintain the illusion of certainty. We refuse to give up the fight, no matter what damage it causes to us or to other people. We’d rather be right than happy. We’d rather be right than free. We’re so addicted to certainty that instead of using our brain, we’re willing to let our brain use us.

Filed Under: Beliefs, Brain, Happiness, Living, Unconscious Tagged With: Adrenaline, Anger, Being Right, Certainty, Uncertainty

How Can You Live Passionately?

September 11, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

passion

We don’t go looking for a solution until we have a problem to solve.

This is one of those things in life that seems pretty straightforward—and sometimes it is. But surprisingly often it isn’t. It’s more likely to be straightforward when the problem or issue at hand is small or simple and less likely to be straightforward when the problem is big or complex.

Complex problems can be difficult to see clearly. The unconscious part of our brain has a couple of habits that prevent us from seeing and defining complex issues of any kind. For one thing, it’s quick to jump to conclusions and to treat those conclusions as facts. For another, it craves certainty and being right, so it’s more comfortable with things that are easy to understand and that it already knows something about.

The result is that from time to time we go off on wild goose chases seeking a solution to the wrong problem because we asked the wrong question. No matter how good the solution, it won’t solve that particular problem.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the idea—or problem, if you will—of living with passion. If I believe passion means a passion, such as a calling—what and who I am meant to be—then the question I might ask is “What is my passion?” or “How can I find my passion?” That’s not an uncommon way to define the problem. Those are not uncommon questions to ask. And numerous roadmaps and processes are available to assist me—purportedly—in finding and following my passion.

But that’s not the only way to define the problem. In fact, it’s fairly narrow in scope and definition. If I believe living with passion requires finding my passion that makes me an arrow in search of a target, hoping I can hit the bull’s eye. What if I fail in my quest? Am I doomed to the booby prize: a passionless life?

If instead I ask, “How can I live a passionate life?” of “How can I live passionately?” that leads me down an entirely different path and to a much more interesting question: “What gets in the way of living passionately?” Now this is a worthy question to ask.

What gets in the way of living passionately?

I suspect the answer is the same for everyone. What gets in the way is us, specifically the things we tell ourselves, our considerations, our expectations, the preconditions we demand of life, or fear of feeling fear (occasionally known as excitement), and on and on. We’re afraid of stepping up, taking a risk, facing uncertainty, getting hurt or burned, failing, caring too much, or exceeding our reach. The unconscious part of our brain is wired for survival. Passion is definitely not part of its plan.

What gets in the way of living passionately is not our circumstances. It’s our own non-stop mental blah, blah, blah that keeps passion at arm’s length. If we want to live passionately, we can start doing it any time. There’s nothing to search for or to find, either within or without. There’s nothing stopping us from living passionately this very moment but ourselves.

What’s getting in the way of living passionately for you?

Filed Under: Beliefs, Choice, Creating, Happiness, Living, Mind, Unconscious Tagged With: Asking the Right Question, Find Your Passion, Living Passionately, Passion

What’s Wrong with Precommitment Devices?

August 10, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

Odysseus tied on the mast. Icon for the Greek ...

A precommitment device is a strategy for forcing yourself to do something you think you should do but you don’t actually want to do. You might resort to a precommitment device if your will power and self-control have failed to do the trick. The most famous example of someone using a precommitment device is Odysseus having himself tied to the mast of his ship to avoid the temptation of the sirens.

The most common precommitment devices involve agreeing to forfeit a certain sum of money if you fail to achieve a goal or accomplish a particular task. You could make an agreement with yourself to donate money to a charity if you fail to attend the gym three times a week, lose a specific amount of weight, or complete the next chapter of your book. Of course, if you’re the only one who knows about this agreement, you can easily waffle and wiggle your way out of it.

A more binding agreement would be to agree to pay a friend that same amount of money if you fail to meet your goal. Not only would you lose money, you would also experience some degree of shame. That’s the premise behind precommitment devices: we will do what’s good for us in order to avoid the threat of negative consequences. That’s also what makes them problematic.

Underlying the popularity of precommitment devices is the assumption that we are, in general, rational beings who want to avoid negative consequences. But there’s not a lot of evidence support that idea, and if it were true, we wouldn’t need precommitment devices to begin with. Rational beings who were aware of potential negative consequences would all be healthy, law-abiding, diligent, honest, tidy, sober, rule-following good citizens. Obviously, we are not all that. Precommitment devices have something in common with affirmations, which is that the people they work for probably need them the least.

Loss aversion is one rationale offered for using precommitment devices. It’s true we are programmed to avoid losses, but a loss of enjoyment can be experienced as a loss, too. In some cases a more significant loss than the loss of a few bucks.

Another problem with precommitment devices is that they are black and white. Either you do it or you don’t. You win or you lose. You avoid temptation or you give in to it. This isn’t a scenario that allows for being present, noticing what’s actually happening, learning something about yourself or what you’re attempting to do, or adjusting your course. This is more about getting the upper hand over your recalcitrant, weak-willed self. And when the next such situation arises, you will have to do battle with that bad boy self all over again.

There’s Another Way to Make a Precommitment

Creating an intention is a form of precommitment, too, but one without the threat of negative consequences. Creating an intention also takes into consideration the fact that what you’re attempting is not easy, but without judging your supposed lack of self-control. Changing any behavior is difficult simply because we’re wired to keep doing whatever we have been doing. Creating an intention—as part of the I.A.P. process—allows you to focus on something you want to do or be as opposed to something you don’t want to do or be. It helps you keep your attention on your desired outcome and motivates you to keep going, one step at a time, even when the going is difficult. Instead of having to be good or pay the price for being bad, you aim to keep getting better. You don’t have to initiate or engage in an inner struggle with yourself. And instead of forking over cash when you fail, you get to reward yourself when you succeed.

Have you ever used a precommitment device? If so, how did it work for you?

Filed Under: Beliefs, Choice, Happiness, Learning, Living, Mind Tagged With: Commitment, Intention, Odysseus, Precommitment Device, Self-Control, Will Power

You and Your Stuff

August 3, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

cluttered_room

Do you have too much stuff? Most of us would probably answer in the affirmative. I’ve lightened my material load considerably, but I still have too much stuff, too. Our relationship with our stuff can be complicated, thought. And it’s partly due to those complications that, instead of getting rid of some of it, we continue to accumulate more and more. Holding on to things becomes a habit.

My deep and now-abiding interest in clutter and having too much stuff (the two often go together) is related to the effect it has on the brain. Clutter tends to snag your attention on a regular basis and in dozens of different ways. It takes up space in your head that could be better occupied by something more productive or even just more interesting. You don’t have an unlimited amount of System 2 (conscious) attention. How much of it are you letting your stuff siphon off?

Not sure? Here are a baker’s dozen questions to ask yourself.

  1. How much stuff are you holding onto because you might need it someday?
  2. How much stuff are you holding onto because it has financial value or “might be” valuable?
  3. How much stuff are you holding onto because it has sentimental value?
  4. How much stuff are you holding onto simply because it’s already there?
  5. How much stuff do you think you’re holding onto that you probably don’t even know you have?
  6. How many clothes or shoes do you have that you no longer wear—or that don’t even belong to you?
  7. How many drawers, cabinets, closets, countertops, and shelves are so full you can’t fit anything else in or on them?
  8. How much work do you have to do before you can clean your living or work space?
  9. How much time do you spend looking for things? Have you ever failed to respond to something because you lost track of the paperwork?
  10. How much of your stuff needs to be repaired, refinished, repurposed, or recycled?
  11. How often do you notice something in your living or work space and think “I really need to do something about that”?
  12. Have you ever panicked at the thought of someone coming into your home and seeing the mess? Conversely, have you ever said, “You think your place is bad, you should see mine”?
  13. How many times have you gotten everything in one area completely tidy and organized only to find the clutter slowly creeping back months, weeks, or even days later?

Maybe it’s time for you to take the plunge and clear some space. Clearing space isn’t the same as getting organized. (In fact, it’s possible to be an extremely well-organized hoarder.) Clearing space means getting rid of things you no longer use or need. After you’ve done that, you’ll probably find it much easier to organize what remains.

Clearing your physical space can have a profound effect on your well-being in many different ways. It can give you clarity. It can ease your mind. It can relieve you of at least some of the guilt, anxiety, or depression that often accompanies being weighed down by too much stuff. It can create space for something new.

Clearing space can change your life! It changed mine.

Filed Under: Brain, Happiness, Living Tagged With: Brain, Clarity, Clearing Space, Clutter, Mind, Stuff

What’s Choice Got to Do with It?

June 23, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

Fat Cat?

What’s the difference between the things you want to do that you’re actually doing and the things you want to do that you’re struggling with doing?

It often comes down to this: you think you have a choice about doing the things you’re struggling with.

If you’re clear about why you’re doing something (or want to do something) and you’re committed to doing it, you don’t waste ongoing time and effort choosing whether or not to do it each time the situation arises. What kind of sense would that make? It’s something you want to do, you know why you want to do it, and you’re committed to doing it. It may not be easy, but that’s a separate issue. The point is that there’s nothing to be gained—and something to be lost—by not doing it.

  • If you have a kid in school who you pick up every afternoon, you don’t think I really should go get Josh, but nah, I’m going to stay home and watch this movie.
  • If you have a job you value, you don’t wake up each morning wondering Hmmm, what should I do today? Go to work? Check out the horse races? Maybe drive out to the coast for a leisurely lunch?
  • If you have a pet you care for, you don’t ask yourself Should I buy food for Fluffy this week or spend the money on a bottle of wine?

Picking up your kid after school every day may be inconvenient. Getting up and going to work may be an effort some days more than others, even if you love you job. Caring for a pet can be expensive (and maybe Fluffy needs to be on a diet, but still…). There may be some struggle involved in all three situations—but the struggle isn’t about whether or not to follow through on your commitment. It’s a given that you will.

So if you think you have a choice about whether or not to do something, you probably aren’t clear about why you want to do it and you aren’t committed to doing it.

 ~ ~ ~

Thanks to  the participants of the Create Your Own Story! course for inspiring this post. 

Filed Under: Beliefs, Choice, Habit, Happiness, Living Tagged With: Choice, Clarity, Commitment, Having a Choice

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