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H Is for Habits

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Habits are recurring, generally unconscious patterns of behavior you acquire through frequent repetition or that are learned over time. Since they operate outside conscious awareness (and control), you may suddenly discover, as I have, some habits you didn’t know you had.

Your brain creates habits, with or without your conscious participation, in order to operate more efficiently. It chunks repetitive behaviors and turns the chunks over to the basal ganglia so you don’t have to waste your precious and limited System 2 attention on them. So the habit habit is actually a labor-saving device for your brain, which means your brain is primed for habits.

Since we tend to identify with our conscious brain rather than our unconscious, we’re under the illusion that most of what we do is the result of conscious choice (behaviors are preceded by conscious intentions). So you may not be aware of how pervasive habits are in your life.

When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. —Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit

Habits vs. Goals

Habits differ from goals in two significant ways:

  1. Goals are temporary; whether it’s three weeks or three years, there’s always an end point. Habits, on the other hand, are ongoing.
  2. Goals require conscious attention from beginning to completion. Habits, once in place, use System 1 attention. That’s why you may be unaware of some of your habits.

Creating a habit you want (or changing an existing habit) does require conscious attention initially, but only until System 1 takes it over, at which point it is initiated automatically as a result of something in the environment—a cue or a trigger.

Continual repetition of behaviors and thoughts results in highly reinforced neural connections, which are experienced as habits. …By adulthood, most emotional responses and behavioral impulses are conditioned: we think, feel, and behave more or less the same in the same states and social contexts over and over. Habits and the conditioned responses that compose them are processed in the brain in milliseconds, thousands of times faster than conscious decisions. —Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

According to Charles Duhigg, there are three parts to what he refers to as the habit loop: the cue, the routine, and the reward. The cue is what triggers the routine—the beginning of the habit loop—and the reward lets your brain know the loop is complete.

Habits: Good or Bad?

The word “habit” often conjures up the word “bad.” If you think of habits as bad—or as just something inconsequential that you do—you’ll have a harder time creating the habits you want to have.

Whether your habits are “good” or “bad,” they’re all the same to your brain. It doesn’t care what you think of your habits. All it cares about it is being efficient. Do anything often enough and it will become a habit. And habits, by their nature, are hard to change. Trying to exert willpower, using positive thinking, engaging in deep soul searching, or looking for the underlying cause of a habit are all fruitless endeavors. Unfortunately, you can’t have a heart-to-heart with your basal ganglia.

The main reason that conscious control of habits is limited is that it requires the most easily exhaustible and metabolically expensive of mental resources: focused attention. …When resources are limited, people are unable to deliberately choose or inhibit responses, and they become locked into repeating habits. …The autopilot, being virtually inexhaustible, wins the struggle more often. —Steven Stosny

The Value of Habits

It’s easy to see the positive, productive role of habits in the development of a skill or craft—that of a musician, an artist, a writer, a quilter, or a cook, for example. We generally expect that the more a musician practices her instrument, the more dishes a cook prepares, the better they will become at doing those things. A musician is unlikely to attain excellence if she only practices when she’s in the mood for it. Skillful musicians develop the habit of practicing regularly whether they’re in the mood for it or not. And they don’t have to be in the mood for it precisely because they’ve developed the habit. They don’t have to waste conscious attention or drain self-control resources by thinking about or deciding each time whether or not to practice.

Because habits don’t drain self-control resources to the same extent as non-habits, once a behavior becomes a habit, it frees up your conscious attention and makes achieving goals considerably easier. Habits and routines are actually essential to people who need to be creative on a regular basis.

Changing the status quo isn’t easy. The unconscious part of your brain, which might be said to be allergic to change, is way ahead of the conscious part, especially in familiar situations. It’s built to predict what’s likely to happen next, construct multiple response scenarios, and initiate the response it considers the most effective—not the response you consider most effective.

That’s why habits seem to have so much power. They are very familiar to your unconscious, which bases its predictions and responses on previous experience. You may want to go for a walk after dinner, but if you’ve been plopping down on the sofa every evening, your brain is going to “choose” the sofa over the walk. You may want to cut back on the donuts, but if you’re in the habit of grabbing one with your coffee at the office, that’s what your brain is programmed to “choose” to do.

You can make use of the power of habit by learning how to change the ones you don’t want and by creating habits you do want. In order to change an existing habit, you need to identify the cue and the reward and substitute a different behavior (routine) that gives you the same reward. To start a new habit, first decide what the behavior will be, and then choose a reward and a cue. It’s easier to start a new habit if you make the cue something you already do on a regular basis. Charles Duhigg explains the process in his Guide to Changing Habits.

One major caveat: There is no magic number of days that it takes to change or create a habit. But there is a highly effective type of magic you can apply; it’s called perseverance.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

F Is for Feedback

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Any action you take generates some type of feedback. The result can be monumental or tiny, desirable or undesirable, expected or wildly surprising. If you’re paying attention, you might notice what happens after you do something and use that feedback to determine what to do next. If you’re driving along a snowy road and your car begins to skid, the skid lets you know conditions require some type of adjustment. You don’t want to get into an accident, so you slow down. Maybe you slow down intentionally, but maybe you’ve done this a thousand times and adjust your speed automatically without even noticing.

Your brain has criteria for evaluating the data provided by physiological feedback loops (in order to maintain your body temperature and signal when you need to eat or drink—or stop eating or drinking). It also has criteria for evaluating the data provided by your mental, emotional, and behavioral feedback loops. The problem is that these criteria are part of your mental model of the world, much of which is unconscious, which means you’re not aware of it.

David DiSalvo calls feedback loops “the engines of your adaptive brain.”

Day in and day out, we make decisions based on the results of feedback loops that run in our minds without our noticing. None of us stops to think through each stage of the loop—how the data we’ve gathered is being processed to lead us to our next action. And yet, even without our conscious monitoring, the loops just keep moving.

The Four Stages of a Feedback Loop

Science writer Thomas Goetz described feedback loops in Wired Magazine:

Evidence
First comes the data: A behavior must be measured, captured, and stored.

Relevance
Second, the information must be relayed to the individual, not in the raw-data form in which it was captured but in a context that makes it emotionally resonant.

Consequence
But even compelling information is useless if we don’t know what to make of it. The information must illuminate one or more paths ahead.

Action
There must be a clear moment when the individual can recalibrate a behavior, make a choice, and act.

After that action is measured, the feedback loop can run once more, every action stimulating new behaviors that inch us closer to our goals.

As DiSalvo says, we make decisions based on the results of feedback loops, but even in cases where we’re making decisions rather than simply reacting, it would be more accurate to say we make decisions based on our interpretation of the results of feedback loops. The apparent result of an action we’ve taken—the evidence—has to be interpreted for relevance and consequence before we can determine how to react.

alphabet-changeYour brain does not necessarily objectively evaluate the data presented to it. Because you perceive the world through your particular mental model, you’re predisposed to interpret the results of your actions in certain ways. This can be problematic especially when you’re presented with negative evidence. Things didn’t work out the way you planned; you did something other than what you intended or wanted to do; or you’re faced with unexpected obstacles. The most useful way to respond to such information is to look at it objectively: you tried something and it didn’t work. You can then try to figure out why it didn’t work and decide whether to try it again or to do something else.

Your Brain Prefers to Maintain the Status Quo

Let’s say you normally dine out with a group of friends once a week at which time you tend to overindulge a bit. You’ve now decided to cut back on the calories and have a vague idea of ordering something from the lighter side of the menu. But once you’re at the restaurant, menu in hand, you find yourself quickly scanning the lower-calorie items  and then ordering what you always order.

You’re disappointed in yourself, especially when you think about it afterward. You’ve had similar experiences before, so you interpret it as just another example—more proof—of how little willpower you have.

Confirmation bias is powerful. If you believe you lack willpower, you’re likely to view the negative results of your actions as confirmation of your preexisting belief. Once you interpret your result as proof of a preexisting belief, you’re much less likely to attempt to figure out what didn’t work and what to do next and much more likely to give up. At that point, the habit or behavior you were trying to change becomes even more entrenched and the goal you were trying to achieve seems even more distant.

But if you looked at this situation objectively, in terms of gathering data (feedback) so you could decide what to do next time, you might see it differently.

You might remind yourself that your brain prefers to maintain the status quo. So when you went to a familiar restaurant where all the familiar cues and triggers kicked in, the result you got—ordering the usual—was really quite predictable. The feedback to store is that going into this situation with a vague idea but no plan doesn’t work. Next time, you could try deciding ahead of time what you’re going to order so you don’t have to be tempted by the menu. If that doesn’t work, you could suggest meeting your friends at a different restaurant that doesn’t have the same kind of food-related associations.

How you perceive and interpret what happens after you take, attempt to take, or fail to take action strongly affects your chances of success. Not everything you try is going to go smoothly or work out the way you hoped it would. Sometimes the road is slippery, under construction, or takes a detour. Noticing that what you tried simply didn’t work will allow you to use the information to help you determine the best action to take next—as will noticing when what you tried did work.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

D Is for Desired Outcome

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We repeatedly begin projects, large or small, start working on goals, long- or short-term, say yes or no when asked to do something or to participate with others, and make choices about how to spend our time. And far too often, we don’t stop to consider what we hope will happen as a result of the actions we’re about to take.

This isn’t to say we can’t come up with an explanation as to why we’re doing something—or at least why we think we’re doing it. Explaining ourselves to ourselves comes naturally to us. But having a reason for doing something isn’t the same thing as identifying the desired outcome.

You could be going on a job interview because you hope to get hired or because you’re thinking about quitting your current job and are testing the waters or because a relative hooked you up and you feel obligated…or…or…or. Those are some reasons you might have for keeping the appointment for that interview.

Let’s say you’re hoping to get hired. What’s your desired outcome? Maybe it’s simply to have a job so you can pay your bills. Or maybe you want to move up into a more challenging or more prestigious position. Maybe you’re looking for a congenial group of co-workers so you can expand your circle of friends. Or you might want a calmer work environment with less stress than you have now—or a more stimulating environment. It could even be a combination of factors.

If you’re clear about what you hope will happen as a result of getting the job, you’ll be better able to evaluate whether or not to take it if it’s offered to you. At the interview itself, you’ll be able to ask more informed questions and pay attention to things that are relevant to your concerns. Knowing the desired outcome you’re looking for is pretty important since it increases your chances of getting it. But if you accept the job offer without having identified your desired outcome, you set yourself up for being disappointed. Sure the money’s extremely good and the work is interesting enough but you don’t get to interact with very many other people and, as it turns out, the social aspect is really important to you. In fact, you realize you’d be willing to earn less in exchange for having more interpersonal interaction.

So you have the new job, which looks good on paper, but it isn’t as satisfying as you thought it would be.

Reality Check

In addition to changing jobs, we get into or out of relationships, take up hobbies, move from one part of the country to another, decide to go back to school (or drop out), sign up for a gym membership, start a diet, buy a complete new wardrobe—or a set of patio furniture or an expensive camera or a car. We not only fail to identify our desired outcome, we also fail to identify potential obstacles we’re likely to face along the path to getting it.

Included in the “Reality Check” exercise my clients complete when filling out a Goal Action Plan are these three questions.

  1. Imagine a positive vision (fantasy) of achieving your desired outcome and describe it. How will your status quo be changed?*
  2. Describe your current reality in regard to your desired outcome.
  3. Compare your positive vision of success with your current reality.

*Please note, though, that if all you do is generate a positive vision of your desired outcome and focus on that without doing anything else, you are less likely to be successful in achieving it because you’ve actually tricked your brain into thinking you’ve already got it.

Answering all three questions is a form of mental contrasting that can help you see your situation more realistically and identify the obstacles to achieving your desired outcome. If you know the obstacles you’re likely to face, you can figure out how to deal with them ahead of time instead of being blind-sided by them. Or you may realize there’s an obstacle big enough to be a deal-breaker, at least for now.

When we perform mental contrasting, we gain energy to take action. And when we go on to specify the actions we intend to take as obstacles arise, we energize ourselves even further. —Gabriele Oettingen, Rethinking Positive Thinking

Evaluate and Motivate

The more clearly you can visualize your desired outcome the better you’ll be able to evaluate how likely it is that the action you’re contemplating is the best path to getting there. If it is, great! That clarity can be highly motivating. If it isn’t, that’s great, too, because you can change or revise your plan and save yourself the time, energy, and effort of going off on a wild goose chase.

The longer-term your goal is or the more entrenched the habit you want to change or the more difficult or complicated the course of action you’re contemplating, the more imperative it is to identify your desired outcome. The unconscious part of your brain is hooked on instant gratification. Changing the status quo tends to be gradual, mundane, repetitious, and tedious. Being able to remind yourself not only what you’re aiming for but also why it’s important to you can get you through the slog.

But developing the habit of identifying your desired outcome is useful in all kinds of situations, such as responding to a social media post, attending a staff meeting at work, choosing a book to read, or planning a vacation. I recently got together with a friend to work out details of an upcoming trip (the reason for our meeting). But a big part of my desired outcome—and hers, too—was the opportunity to spend time discussing subjects of mutual interest, including current events. Identifying my desired outcome affected both my frame of mind and the amount of time I reserved for the meeting.

It’s a truism because it’s true: it’s considerably easier to get what you want if you know what that is.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

C Is for Commitment

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When you set out to accomplish something significant or change a longstanding habit, do you stop to consider how committed you really are to doing it? You may have plenty of good reasons for wanting to do it. You may be able to rattle off the positive consequences that are likely to result if you succeed or the negative consequences if you fail. But altering the status quo isn’t easy. Reasons and potential consequences hold no sway over the unconscious part of your brain, which strongly prefers that you continue doing exactly what you’ve been doing up till now.

Making a commitment means binding yourself—intellectually, emotionally, or both—to a course of action. Some commitments in life are implied or assumed. For example:

  • following the rules of the road when you get a driver’s license
  • performing your job to the best of your ability after you’re hired
  • treating your employees fairly after you hire them
  • being considerate and faithful to your partner or spouse
  • providing for your children

Clearly some people “bind themselves” to these commitments more than others do. If you feel bound by your commitment, you’re more likely to follow through even if it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable to do so. Otherwise, you’ll find it easier to slack off and easier to come up with explanations and excuses as to why you did. The exigencies of the moment will feel more compelling than the course of action you never fully committed to.

Reality Check

alphabet-of-changeBefore my clients begin filling out a Goal Action Plan, I ask them to complete a “Reality Check.” Part of the reality check includes rating themselves in the following three areas on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest:

  1. certainty (how confident you are that you can achieve the goal)
  2. passion (how much you want it)
  3. commitment (how willing you are to bind yourself to the course of action)
Failure to Commit

People are unwilling to fully commit to a goal or a habit change for a variety of reasons.

Are you afraid of trying, failing, and disappointing yourself and/or others? The reality is that making a half-hearted commitment usually leads to half-hearted efforts which then lead to half-hearted results. This is a great example of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Are you trying to keep your options open? It’s true that committing to one course of action generally means not pursuing other courses of action. And it’s true that you might miss out on something. But the reality is that trying to keep all of your options open doesn’t enhance your life; it prevents you from fully living it.

You can have what really matters to you or you can have the freedom to NOT have it, but you can’t have both.

Are you waiting to see how things turn out before making a full commitment? (I’ll give myself three months and if things aren’t panning out by then, I’ll give up or switch to Plan B.)  Although this sounds like a reasonable approach, it’s self-defeating. The reality is that we can’t single-handedly control the outcome, but we do have complete control over the extent of our commitment.

Going All-In

We often refuse to make a commitment, even to something we really want or that really matters to us.

Sometimes it’s hard to go “all in” when you don’t know how things are going to unfold. But fully committing yourself to a course of action actually has an effect on the outcome. When you’re fully committed to a course of action:

  • You don’t waste time rethinking your decision.
  • Instead of looking for ways to avoid taking action, you look for ways to take action—and by you, I mean your brain. Making a commitment alters your mental model and your perception. You literally see things differently—and see different things. Also your brain connects the dots in different ways.
  • You’re more likely to find your way around obstacles and to keep going even when you don’t feel like it.
  • You don’t have to rely as much on willpower and self-control in the face of temptation and the urge for immediate gratification.
  • You tend to view the results you get as feedback that you can use to adjust your course.

If you want to change your status quo, you need to take action, you need to be persistent, and you need to figure out how to overcome obstacles. But first you need to make the commitment to do those things. You won’t know ahead of time what your experience will be or how things will turn out. But making a commitment will increase your chances of success.

Are you holding back? Are you keeping something in reserve? For what?

If you’re not fully committed to a course of action, why are you taking it? If you set out to do something, be fully engaged in doing it instead of a sideline observer. Aim to get it done, not to wait and see how it all turns out.

This post is part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

B is for Baby Steps

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baby-steps

I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s excited about the idea of taking baby steps. Most of us want faster and bigger results. We want immediate gratification. We want to stop or start a habit in 21 days—preferably less. We want to overhaul entire areas of our lives by the end of the month. As soon as we think about something we want to accomplish—a project or a goal—we feel like we’re already behind schedule and disappointed it hasn’t yet come to fruition.

We’re impatient. And easily distracted. Not to mention overscheduled and stressed out.

Never mind that our unrealistic expectations keep producing the same unsatisfying results. Our inner voice insists we need to do—we should be able to do—so much more than take baby steps. Baby steps are just not enough.

Well, baby steps are more than enough. If you take them.

Go Back to Start. Do Not Pass Go.

Like most of us, you probably have a habit you’ve made more than a couple of unsuccessful attempts to change, maybe over a span of years or even decades. When you repeatedly try to change a habit (make a different choice) and fail, you don’t simply remain stuck in place. You actually end up worse off than you were before.

We tend to use our lack of success as evidence that there’s something wrong with us. Perhaps we have less willpower or self-control than other people. Or maybe we’re sabotaging ourselves. Or we don’t really want to change. We think the problem is us rather than the way we’re going about things.

The problem is that the more often you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, the more you persuade your brain not to take you seriously when it comes to changing your behavior. Those multiple failed attempts reinforce the mental model your brain maintains. As a result, the status quo becomes even more entrenched, which makes it that much harder to change the next time you try.

Attempting to accomplish too much too soon is a recipe for failure because the chance of succeeding is miniscule at best. When you try to do too much or too many things at the same time, you’re giving yourself many opportunities to fail. Instead, you need to give yourself more opportunities to succeed.

Opportunities to Succeed

Taking baby steps puts you in a much better position to succeed. You can see your progress and build on your success. For one thing, it’s easier to take baby steps than it is to run sprints or leap tall buildings in a single bound. For another, it’s easier to add to the foundation you’ve built—no matter how close to the ground it may be—than it is to keep failing and having to start over again.

alphabet-changeIf you want to put a morning routine into place that includes a sequence of steps, pick one of them to start with. Don’t add anything else until the first one has become a habit. There’s no formula to determine how long it will take before a behavior becomes a habit. You’ll know when it happens because you’ll find yourself doing it automatically without having to remind yourself, and if you forget, a nagging inner voice will remind you to do it. Then you can add the second step. As you proceed building your routine, you’re likely to discover that it takes less and less time for the additional steps to fall into place.

If there’s a project you want to undertake that feels overwhelming, break it down into baby steps. When I was writing fiction many years ago, every time I sat down at my desk I felt like I was writing the entire novel. It was so daunting that I got very little writing done. So I decided I would fill two legal-pad pages every day, seven days a week. If I felt like writing more, I could, but two pages was something I could easily commit to.

Not only did those baby step lead to the accumulation of at least 14 pages each week, they also helped me turn writing every day into a habit.

If you want to develop a habit that involves doing something multiple times during the day, start out by creating an intention to do it once a day—or even every other day. Once you’ve succeeded with that, you can expand on it.

Dream Big. Take Baby Steps.

Lofty goals are great. But the way to achieve them is to break them down into manageable components and take one step at a time. The unconscious part of your brain resists change. When you attempt to make a big or an immediate change, it reacts by mobilizing forces to get things back on track. In fact, it responds the same way it does when your body experiences a sudden change, such as a drop in temperature, by trying to return it to homeostasis (the status quo).

If you want a new behavior to become status quo, you need to work up to it gradually without alarming your brain. Don’t give it anything to resist. The good news is that once your desired behavior does become status quo, your brain will work just as hard to maintain it as it did to maintain the previous status quo.

When you aim to do it all at once and miss the mark, you end up with nothing but a reinforced sense of ineffectiveness or inadequacy. But success breeds more success—and success is motivating. Learn to identify and take baby steps. It’s much easier than the alternatives—and it works.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

Contact Me

joycelyn@farthertogo.com
505-332-8677