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Embarking on a New Year

January 13, 2021 by Joycelyn Campbell 1 Comment

January. The start of a new year. An occasion for new beginnings. I dislike the winter months, but I’ve always had a soft spot for January for its sense of openness and promise—or at least potential.

But the promise or potential of January can be illusory because we cannot predict the future: none of us can know what it holds for us, good, bad, or indifferent.

I think back to January 2005, when I was commuting five days a week to a job in an office downtown. My partner was retired, tending cacti, composing and recording music, writing, and doing the vast majority of domestic chores. He was an excellent cook, and he didn’t mind grocery shopping or cleaning up the kitchen. My biggest gripe with him was the clutter of partially read magazines and books everywhere.

We’d lived in Albuquerque a little less than three and a half years. We were humming along in a groove. Dealing with some car issues, a couple of chronic but manageable health issues of his, and my on-and-off-again dissatisfaction with my job.

In late March, he began feeling more tired and achy than usual, but neither he nor his doctor were alarmed. On the morning of the 30th, he said he felt much better. Before I left for work, he told me what he wanted to fix for dinner. Shortly after 9pm, he was dead. Whatever I had thought about what I might be up to in 2005 did not include responding to the sudden death of my partner of 30 years.

Double Troubles

I think back also to January 2016, when I was about a year and a half into “going public” with Farther to Go! The engine was revving; my sights were set; all systems were go. Patricia was my closest friend in Albuquerque. We had been going on day trips at least twice a month for a couple of years. In January, we drove up to Santa Fe, where we walked around the Plaza, had lunch at the San Francisco Street Bar and Grill, and popped into some favorite shops. I bought a really warm winter hat with tassels on both sides.

We went to the zoo early in February, an unusually warm day. Both of us had been experiencing some odd physical symptoms—sinus issues with me, stomach issues with her—but we were doing well that day. By the third week in February, though, I was having significant trouble breathing. On the 29th, a Monday, I asked her to drive me to the ER. I thought I had an upper respiratory infection.

Instead I was diagnosed with severe mitral valve stenosis, atrial fibrillation/flutter, and congestive heart failure. They admitted me to the hospital and kept me there for a week. I was told I’d likely need to have open heart surgery to have the valve replaced. Over the next year, several ablations attempts were made to stop the flutter. The last one gave me four flutter-free months.

That April, Patricia was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. Her doctor suggested she had about eight months. He was spot on. She died three days before Christmas.

It’s an understatement to say 2016 didn’t turn out the way I imagined it would. While I’m doing significantly better than anyone predicted, my energy level is permanently diminished—sometimes more so, sometimes less. And I miss Patricia.

When my partner died in 2005, I didn’t have the kind of focus I did in 2016. By the time I was diagnosed, I had determined exactly what was important to me. Vitality was at the top of the list, so I didn’t have to be persuaded to take care of myself. But Farther to Go! was just as important to me. And nearly five years later, both of those things are still at the top of the list.

Last January, none of us saw Covid-19 coming. I think it’s safe to say that the events of 2020 were not on anyone’s list of expectations. I know that wanting to maintain as much vitality as possible and being immersed in Farther to Go! has made it easier for me to cope with the drastic upheaval and uncertainty. It already seems quaint, doesn’t it, to think about how eager we were to change the calendar to 2021? In addition to the continuing ravages of the pandemic, here in the U.S., we have more civil unrest than we’ve had since the 1960s. And we haven’t yet hit the mid-point of the month!

January, I think, is a terrible time to create resolutions, which usually take the form of concrete objectives or self-improvement. But it’s a great time to clarify what’s important to us and to identify desired outcomes: how do we want to change our status quo. There is always more than one way to get a desired outcome. If—or rather when—we encounter the inevitable surprises life throws up, we can adjust course instead of being sidelined. As long as we know where we want to end up, we can keep trying different routes until we get there.

Here’s a virtual toast to what will be lost this year and what will be found.

Bon voyage!

Filed Under: Clarity, Finding What You Want, Living, Uncertainty Tagged With: Beginning, desired outcomes, New Year

Maximizer or Satisficer:
How Do You Choose?

November 29, 2019 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

I first stumbled across the word “satisficer” (had to look it up) in The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. In his book, he compares the way satisficers and those presumably on the other end of the spectrum—maximizers—go about making choices.

First, though, he claims that the two groups are defined by having different goals. Maximizers “seek and accept only the best,” while satisficers “settle for something that is good enough” without worrying that something else might be better.

Seeking and accepting only the best is not a goal, however; nor is settling for something that is good enough. Rather than being goals, seeking only the best and settling for good enough could be considered ways of operating, behaviors, attitudes, tendencies, or even drives. They play a part in how you go about trying to achieve a goal or accomplish something—and how you measure your success. But to call them goals entirely misses the point of what a goal (or objective) is. And that’s not inconsequential.

Maximizers Are Green

I’ve been revisiting this notion of satisficers and maximizers in light of a theory of personal operating systems I’m working on, as well as in terms of barriers to transformational change.

In regard to personal operating systems, of which there are three, I’m faced with another in a series of binary concepts. And once again, I don’t fit neatly at either end. Although I would generally and readily rank myself among the satisficers, there are areas in which I operate based on the high standards of the maximizers. The tyranny of the binary (I made that up, but it’s kind of a real thing) is probably a result of cognitive bias and the desire to oversimplify.

If the word didn’t already have sort of a definition associated with it, I would call the third way of operating “objectivizers,” meaning: deciding how to choose (what method to use) based on the objective—or, really, the desired outcome. It’s an accurate, if made up, way to describe it. And I’m not against making up words.

If you have been following the development of the personal operating systems, in general, those who have the teal operating system are most likely to be satisficers; those who have the green operating system are most likely to be maximizers; and those who have the purple operating system are most likely to be objectivizers.

What Works?

Maximizers, by striving to make the best choice—whether or not they can really be assured of having done so—are not focusing their attention on their objective or desired outcome as much as they are focusing it on the process and the end result of that process—getting “the best.” “The best” is an external frame of reference. It stands in, unsuccessfully, for a juicy desired outcome.

Schwartz points out how being a maximizer can lead to a lower level of satisfaction, for example, and a greater tendency toward rumination and regret. Satisficers appear to be happier than maximizers, but maybe they’re just in denial. I’m only partially joking. If satisficers really are all about “settling for good enough,” it doesn’t sound like they are focused on juicy desired outcomes any more than the maximizers are.

As a now self-identified objectivizer, I think I adopt the method of choosing that’s most likely to get me my desired outcome. The more focused I am on the desired outcome—and the more intentional I am about pursuing it—the more likely I am to shift between the maximizer-satisficer poles in order to hone in on it. That’s what works for me.

We all have tendencies to think in certain ways and act in certain ways; we all operate on autopilot much more of the time than we like to admit. But creating transformational change requires identifying a juicy desired outcome and pulling out all the stops to go after it rather than being attached to the way we prefer to operate.

Being a full-time maximizer won’t get you there, but neither will being a full-time satisficer.

Filed Under: Choice, Cognitive Biases, Creating, Finding What You Want, Mindset Tagged With: Choice, Maximizer, Satisficer, Transformation

Three Not-so-Little Words

September 30, 2019 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

I’ve occasionally referred to myself, only partially in jest, as an anti-motivational speaker. I lead with the bad news because there’s so much bad-information-disguised-as-motivation out there. Following bad advice won’t lead to good results. It can keep you stuck or feeling even worse about yourself. So here’s the bad news—followed by some good (evidence-based) news—about aspiration, imagination, and transformation.

Aspiration

The bad news: You can’t be anything you want to be. While some limits may be self-imposed, not all of them are. Some things are simply outside your control. Fortune (good and bad), circumstances, genetics, and timing all play roles in the outcome of events. And you can’t count on vanquishing them with willpower.

The good news: You can be who you want to be. Aspiration is a long-term intention. It isn’t about being good at something; it’s about striving for and getting better at it. Although, it can be difficult to identify who you want to be, given that we’re seldom asked that question in life, it might be the most important question you will ever ask yourself. The answer creates the context for everything else.

Aspiration is itself a theory of change, and of how we become someone. — Agnes Callard

You can also develop a reliable sense of personal agency to help you determine where to focus your efforts and energy.

Imagination

The bad news: Just because you can imagine something doesn’t mean it’s possible. The fact that you can probably imagine (picture in your mind) a moon made of green cheese doesn’t mean such a thing exists or could exist. Imagination—creating mental images of things not currently present to the senses—is something our brains engage in automatically. However, it isn’t a magical superpower.

The good news: The intentional application of imagination can power your aspirations and ambitions. After all, it takes an act of imagination to step outside your “self” to visualize who you want to be and what you want to create or accomplish. Everyone has this capacity. If you’re unable to imagine something you want or want to pursue, it’s highly unlikely you will achieve it.

Imagination is what propels us forward as a species—it expands out worlds and brings us new ideas, inventions, and discoveries. —Valerie van Mulukom

Transformation

The bad news: There is no true self—good, perfect, untarnished—that you can discover or return to and actualize the potential of. (That isn’t transformation, anyway.) You are here, right where you are now, and you can’t be anywhere other than where you are. Sudden bursts of insight aren’t the same as transformation, either. Transformation is a process, one that requires time, effort, and energy and does not come with a guarantee. But it’s the uncertainty that allows for possibility. You can’t have one without the other.

The good news: Although you cannot be anywhere other than where you are right now, you can generate transformational change from wherever you are. You may be frustrated; you may want to change some things, or a lot of things, but you don’t have to fix yourself first. In fact, since you’re not broken, you can’t be fixed. Use your imagination to help you identify what you want: what you aspire to be or do or create. Then set out in that direction!

We lean into a future that is genuinely open. Human potentialities are not just assigned at the start but also created along life’s way. Instead of looking to the past, to that which is given though not-yet-fleshed out, one looks to the future, to that which may be, to that which is not-yet-fashioned and, in certain respects, not-yet-even-imaginable. —William Lowell Randall

Filed Under: Creating, Finding What You Want, Learning, Living Tagged With: Aspiration, Change, Imagination, Transformation

Objective Means to Subjective Ends

July 19, 2017 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

An objective is…objective. It’s generally specific and quantifiable. A dictionary might define an objective as something you’re working toward, such as a goal or the completion of a project. You may or may not succeed in reaching the goal or completing the project, but you’ll know whether or not you achieved your objective.

One objective may be a single step in the process of completing a larger objective. Maybe you undertake to read a particular book in order to successfully complete a class that is part of your goal of obtaining some type of certification or qualification. You’ll know whether or not you finished reading the book, successfully completed the class, and obtained the certification.

But why are you working toward that certification? What aspects of your status quo are you aiming to change? The objective change is obvious: you will have the certification or qualification you didn’t have before. However, the subjective change—your desired outcome—is likely to be much less clearly defined, if even considered.

This isn’t to say you don’t have an explanation for why you want to do something—or at least why you think you want to do it. Explaining ourselves to ourselves comes naturally to humans. You may also be clear about the potential benefits of succeeding with your objective. But having good reasons and being aware of the benefits are not the same as identifying your desired outcome.

Why (to) Ask Why

You could be going on a job interview because you hope to get hired or because you’re thinking about quitting your current job and are testing the waters or because a relative hooked you up and you feel obligated…or…or…or. Those are some reasons you might have for keeping the appointment for that interview.

Assuming you hope to get hired, why? Maybe it’s simply to earn enough to pay your bills. Or maybe you want to move up into a more challenging or more prestigious position. You might be seeking a congenial group of co-workers to expand your circle of friends. Or you might want a calmer work environment with less stress than you now have. Or you’d like a more stimulating environment. It could be a combination of factors.

If you’re clear about what you hope will happen as a result of getting the job, you’ll be better able to evaluate whether or not to take it if it’s offered to you. At the interview itself, you’ll be able to ask more informed questions and pay attention to things that are relevant to your concerns. Knowing the desired outcome you’re looking for is pretty important since it increases your chances of getting it.

But if you accept the job offer without having identified your desired outcome, you set yourself up for the possibility of being disappointed. Maybe the money’s good and the work is interesting but you wouldn’t get to interact with very many other people—and it turns out the social aspect is really important to you. In fact, you realize you would be willing to earn less in exchange for having more interpersonal interaction.

Reality Check

In addition to changing jobs, we get into or out of relationships, take up hobbies, move from one part of the country to another, decide to go back to school (or drop out), sign up for a gym membership, start a diet, buy a complete new wardrobe—or a set of patio furniture or an expensive camera or a car. We not only fail to identify our desired outcome, we also fail to identify potential obstacles we’re likely to face along the path to getting it.

Included in the “Reality Check” exercise my clients complete when filling out a Goal Action Plan are these three questions.

  1. Imagine a positive vision (fantasy) of achieving your desired outcome and describe it. How will your status quo be changed?
  2. Describe your current reality in regard to your desired outcome.
  3. Compare your positive vision of success with your current reality.

It’s important to remember that if all you do is generate and focus on a positive vision of your desired outcome without doing anything else, you are less likely to be successful in achieving it because you will have tricked your brain into thinking you’ve already got it.

Answering all three questions is a form of mental contrasting that can help you see your situation more realistically and identify the obstacles to achieving your desired outcome. If you know the obstacles you’re likely to face, you can figure out how to deal with them ahead of time instead of being blind-sided by them. Or you may realize there’s an obstacle big enough to be a deal-breaker, at least for now.

When we perform mental contrasting, we gain energy to take action. And when we go on to specify the actions we intend to take as obstacles arise, we energize ourselves even further. —Gabriele Oettingen, Rethinking Positive Thinking

Evaluate and Motivate

The more clearly you can visualize your desired outcome the better you’ll be able to evaluate how likely it is that the action you’re contemplating is the best path to getting there. If it is, great! That clarity can be highly motivating. If it isn’t, that’s great, too, because you can change or revise your plan and save yourself the time, energy, and effort of going off on a wild goose chase.

The more time, energy, or effort it will take to attain your objective, the more imperative it is that you identify your desired outcome. The unconscious part of your brain is hooked on instant gratification, but changing the status quo tends to be gradual, mundane, repetitious, and tedious. Being able to remind yourself not only what you’re aiming for (the objective means) but also why it’s important to you (the subjective end) will go a long way to keeping you focused and on track.

Developing the habit of identifying your desired outcome is useful in all kinds of every-day situations, such as responding to a social media post, attending a staff meeting, choosing a book to read, or planning a vacation. It’s a truism because it’s true: it’s considerably easier to get what you want if you know what that is.


Adapted from a previous post, D Is for Desired Outcome.

Filed Under: Choice, Clarity, Finding What You Want, Living Tagged With: Desired Outcome, Goals, Making Choices, Objectives

V Is for Vampire

March 29, 2017 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

More accurately, V is for choosing whether or not to become a vampire. (Stay with me.) It’s an example offered by philosophy professor L.A. Paul to describe the difficulty of making certain kinds of decisions—decisions that will, literally, transform you in some way. She asks, how could you make an informed choice about whether or not to become a vampire?

Imagine that you have a one-time-only chance to become a vampire. With one swift, painless bite, you’ll be permanently transformed into an elegant and fabulous creature of the night. As a member of the Undead, your life will be completely different. You’ll experience a range of intense new sense experiences, you’ll gain immortal strength, speed and power, and you’ll look fantastic in everything you wear.

So far, so good. However…

You’ll also need to drink animal blood (but not human blood) and avoid sunlight.

Paul goes on to say that all your friends and family have already become vampires and they are crazy about it. They encourage you to become a vampire, too. When you ask for more information, they tell you that, as a human, you can’t possibly know what it’s like to be a vampire until you become one.

High Stakes (no pun intended)

Paul refers to such decisions as high-stakes transformative decisions. Once you take the plunge, there’s no turning back. High-stakes transformative decisions definitely alter your status quo, for better or for worse. Other examples are:

  • Becoming a parent for the first time
  • Being born deaf and getting a cochlear implant
  • Being in a war
  • Seeing color for the first time

Normally, Paul argues, experience helps us develop the conceptual or imaginative abilities we need to imagine things or situations that don’t currently exist. (It’s easy enough to imagine a vampire, especially these days, but it’s not so easy to imagine being a vampire.) When we go about trying to decide if we should take path A or path B or stay right where we are, the right kinds of experiences allow us to project ourselves into the future so we can make a rational decision about how to proceed. If we lack such experience, we have no basis for making a rational decision.

We Are Not so Rational

Paul says:

There’s a lot of value in introspecting. It’s important for us to try to think about who we are and who we want to become when we make these big decisions.

Of course that’s true for all kinds of decisions. And there are no guarantees that even the most rational of decisions will produce the results you want or hope for. Whether the stakes are high or low, even if you think you know yourself pretty well, and you think you know who you want to become in the future, and you have suitable previous experience, and you attempt to include all the relevant information, you can still end up choosing something that leaves you disappointed or far from where you thought you’d be.

Besides that, the vast majority of choices we make are non-rational (System 1, unconscious) choices. Rational decision-making isn’t even the norm for most high-stakes transformative choices.

Affective Forecasting

When we project ourselves into the future, trying out various potential outcomes, we may be weighing (consciously or unconsciously) numerous factors. But a primary consideration for most of us is how we’re going to feel as a result of a particular outcome. This is called affective forecasting—and we tend to be really, really bad at it.

In order to predict how we’re likely to feel about something, we need to be able to imagine the event. As Paul says, that’s easier to do if we’ve experienced it or something similar in the past. If we’ve been to a lot of parties, we can imagine—in general—how we’ll feel about attending a party on Saturday. If we’ve cleaned out the garage before, we can imagine how we’ll feel about doing that on Saturday, too. But if we haven’t experienced something, what we imagine or expect may not bear much resemblance to the actuality. Thinking we can predict the future leads us to believe in the veracity of what we imagine.

Even if we’re able to imagine an event because we’ve experienced it before, our memory of it—and how we felt at the time—may be faulty simply because it’s the nature of memory to be faulty. And the feelings we experience when remembering an experience from the past are not necessarily the same feelings we had at the time of the experience. (Daniel Kahnaman claims the experiencing self and the remembering self have very different agendas.) Additionally, when we don’t recall actual details of something, we may come to rely instead on our beliefs or theories about how that thing will make us feel in the future.

The Future Will Not Be the Same as the Present

There are many other variables that influence the way we make decisions, including how we’re feeling at the time, both physically and emotionally. In Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert describes how our attempts to imagine the future are based in our experiences in the present:

We assume that what we feel as we imagine the future is what we’ll feel when we get there, but in fact, what we feel as we imagine the future is often a response to what’s happening in the present.

He adds:

We fail to recognize that our future selves won’t see the world the way we see it now.

And our future world won’t be identical to our present world, either.

So if you want to improve the odds of having your decisions lead to positive outcomes rather than negative outcomes, you need to identify what’s really important to you and focus most of your attention on going after those things. Feelings are fleeting, but the things that are most important to you are also likely to be the most constant.

Trying to decide whether or not to become a vampire isn’t really so different from actual decisions you face. Making high-stakes transformative decisions will lead to unexpected results and unintended consequences.

So will not making them.


Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

Filed Under: Alphabet of Change, Choice, Finding What You Want, Making Different Choices, Mind Tagged With: Affective Forecasting, Choices, Decision-making, Decisions

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