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Unclear or Uncertain?

February 13, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

There’s an enormous difference between being unclear—not knowing which step to take—and being uncertain—not knowing what the outcome of taking that step will be. It’s important to recognize whether it’s a lack of clarity or the fear of uncertainty that might be getting in your way.

When your mind is confused at the outset, it’s probably not a good time to act. If you are weighing one action against another and making lists of pros and cons, you’re unclear. As counterintuitive as it may sound, thinking about the situation more or harder won’t make it any clearer. When you’re clear, the path to take is obvious. Only the details remain to be worked out.

But if you’re waiting until you’re certain of the outcome of your action, you will likely never act because the outcome is never certain. We can’t yet predict the future. And why would we want to? As Ursula Le Guin said, “The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.”

The unconscious part of our brain is biased against uncertainty, and so we are biased against it, too. But trying to avoid uncertainty is tremendously limiting, not to mention a fool’s game.

Certainty itself is an emotional state, not an intellectual one. To create a feeling of certainty, the brain must filter out far more information than it processes, which, of course, greatly increases its already high error rate during emotional arousal. In other words, the more certain you feel, the more likely you are wrong.

Mental focus, the foundation of feelings of certainty, distorts reality by magnifying and amplifying one or two aspects of it while filtering out everything else. You might discover more detail about the one or two aspects you focus on, but what you discover will have no contextual meaning, because you have isolated those aspects from their dynamic interaction with the rest of the reality in which they exist. In other words, focus magnifies things out of proportion and blows them out of context. —Stephen Stosny, Ph.D.

What is certain is settled, known, and impervious to change. Uncertainty may be frightening, but…

Uncertainty is where things happen. It is where the opportunities—for success, for happiness, for really living—are waiting. —Martha Nussbaum

How UNreasonable Can You Be?

February 10, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 5 Comments

People of Accomplishment — (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

There is general, though not absolute, agreement that being reasonable is good and being unreasonable is bad. Depending on how you define the terms, however, you can find more than one way to parse the differences between them.

I tried being reasonable; I didn’t like it. –Clint Eastwood

Some of the most awake and alive experiences of my life have occurred while I was trying to do things that were so outrageously unreasonable they seemed impossible to accomplish. Apparently, I like challenges. But that may just be part of my temperament. I was never particularly reasonable, even as a child—some might say especially as a child.

Some synonyms for reasonable are: sensible, logical, rational, moderate, mild, well-balanced, agreeable, and fair.

Some synonyms for unreasonable are: excessive, immoderate, illogical, irrational, extravagant, extreme, wild, and unrestrained.

A reasonable person is considered to be prudent and cautious, someone who avoids extremes. But reasonable can also mean mediocre, ordinary, average, and tolerable. And unreasonable can mean bold, daring, audacious, exceptional, and unexpected. An unreasonable person may keep going even after reaching reasonable limits. An unreasonable person may have unreasonable expectations—of herself and of others.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. [Or woman!] –George Bernard Shaw

Reasonable people tend to take fewer risks than unreasonable people take. Reasonable is often the safer course—but not always. Nor is it always the best course.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Creativity and reasonableness often don’t mesh, since being reasonable requires a degree of cognitive inhibition, while some stages of creativity require cognitive disinhibition.

Certainly you aren’t likely to be faulted for being reasonable and for refusing to accept unreasonable demands, requests, or challenges.

But remember that when you aim for reasonable, then reasonable is probably the best you can hope to achieve.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? –Mary Oliver

Is Your Head Ready to Explode?

February 6, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 2 Comments

Scene of the explosion of a ConSec scanner's head — (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You might have a head on the verge of exploding if you’re trying to operate under these two incompatible assumptions.

You have free will, and you choose whatever you do or don’t do.

You can’t do or not do a single thing without having a reason.

Our brains have been shown to be highly proficient reason-generating machines. It’s part of their hardwiring for survival. And we seem more than happy to go along for the ride without questioning the process or the result.

Here’s how it goes:

We turn something into a reason.

We act as if the reason has an independent existence.

We impute a direct cause-and-effect relationship between the reason we have created and whatever we do or don’t do.

Maybe we think we freely chose whatever we turned into a reason for a particular action or non-action. But if we have to have a reason in order to act or not act, the reason doesn’t really matter. We still can’t simply act. We still have no power. And ultimately, we still aren’t responsible.

There’s no point in arguing for free will all the while operating as if we live in a deterministic universe in which everything that happens is the result of something that happened before. The mental gymnastics required to maintain these opposing beliefs keep us stuck in the status quo, chasing our mental tails, and sometimes going to extreme measures to defend our lack of power and responsibility.

Which explains quite a lot.

The Place Where Dreams Are Born

January 10, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

Follow Your Bliss, Find Your Passion, and Other Misguided Advice

January 6, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

Have you located that nebulous and elusive thing called bliss, passion, essence, or calling? Are you living your legend? Have you discovered who you are and what you are here to do? The proliferation of books, courses, workshops, theories, and gurus offering to show us where to look and how to find it suggests that lots and lots of people have bought into this idea (which appears to have been perpetuated by the New Agers and many intelligent, educated people who ought to know better).

Included in the message is a sort of imperative along with a sense of urgency: if you don’t find out what you’re supposed to do (so you can do what you love), you’re missing out Big Time! But the belief that we must discover the particular thing we are meant to be doing in order to generate this feeling of bliss or ignite our passion often results in nothing more than a paralyzing seizure of anxiety.

I’ve done my share of participating in this bliss-quest game. And I’m actually pretty aware of what excites and fully-engages me and what makes me feel energized and alive. But what I’ve learned, among other things, is that there’s no seed hidden deep within me (presumably within my unconscious as opposed to within my actual physical body) that holds the key to unlocking my passion, calling, bliss, or whatever you want to call it. In fact, the unconscious is exactly the wrong place to look for that sort of information since—far from being a secret garden—the unconscious is mainly composed of decades of random programming, zombie (automatic) subroutines, and bad or outmoded habits. Its primary job is to keep us alive, not to enliven us. The unconscious is the main enforcer of the status quo.

Head Trips and Stalemates

Along with being exhorted to find and follow our bliss, we are conversely cautioned to distinguish our wants from our needs so that we can direct our efforts and attention on filling our needs instead of satisfying our wants. Needs = important. Wants = unimportant. So one message is that needs matter but wants don’t and another message is that it’s extremely important for us to take the time and put in the effort to discover what we want. The result is that most people can’t answer the question what do you really want? and in this climate of confusion they settle for immediate gratification, which is ultimately unsatisfying.

There are two more factors that muddy the waters. One is the insidious and deadening effect of clutter, which can take up so much of our conscious attention that we literally can’t think straight. How can we possibly focus on what we really want when we’re preoccupied trying to find stuff, remember stuff, organize stuff, and plan how to deal with our stuff? When our lives are filled with clutter, there’s not much room in our heads for anything else.

Another element is that we confuse wants with goals. We don’t know what we really want, but we set goals for ourselves anyway. Often our goals are things we believe we should do or should achieve. It isn’t surprising that the failure rate for reaching such goals is extremely high. But a goal is a means to an end. It encompasses the actions that will get us something we want. If we haven’t identified the end, the goal is meaningless. I began a strength training program at a new gym at the beginning of October. Going to the gym for an hour and a half twice a week is a goal that moves me toward all kinds of things, such as energy, strength, health, and a sense of well-being. I don’t always feel like going, but I’m committed to getting the results. I know why I’m going; so I go whether I feel like it or not.

Big Picture “Wants”

I wrote about my 30-day challenge to answer the question what do I really want? here. Since then I completed and reviewed my 30 index cards, which contain 481 individual items. Some items surprised me, and it was interesting to see what kinds of things showed up the most. (As an aside, going to the gym did not appear once.) After mulling it all over, I realized that every item on those cards fit into at least one of 12 categories, what I call my Big Picture Wants:

Freedom
Energy
Stimulation
Clarity
Equanimity
White Space
Creativity
Joy
Resilience
Connection
Expansion
Impact

Five years from now, I might want other things, but these are the things I want to have in my life right now. And there are all kinds of different ways to get them. Working out at the gym gets me freedom, energy, resilience, and connection, for example. Just identifying these big picture wants helped me gain clarity and equanimity.

Identifying big picture wants expands the playing field rather than contracting it. There is no one right path or course of action to realizing them; there are many different paths, many different ways to be yourself, express yourself, contribute yourself, and enjoy yourself.

Head Trips and Stalemates

Big Picture “Wants”

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