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Brain-Based Transformational Solutions

S Is for Self-Talk

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Buddha is supposed to have described the mind as resembling a drunken monkey that’s been stung by a bee. The monkey mind is a restless mind. It chatters incessantly, jumps from thought to thought the way a monkey jumps from tree limb to tree limb, is easily distracted, undisciplined, unquiet, and often confused.

If you’re like the rest of us, you probably have many conflicting wants, needs, and goals but little available mental space in which to sort them out. Most of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are not even consciously generated. They’re the result of what neuroscientist David Eagleman calls zombie systems.

Your unconscious (System 1) passes along suggestions to consciousness (System 2) that you experience as impressions, intuitions, intentions, and feelings. If System 2 endorses them—which is most of the time—those impressions and feelings turn into beliefs. If System 2 doesn’t veto or modify the impulses generated by System 1, they turn into actions.

Monkey mind is a result of your brain’s wiring. You can’t eliminate the monkeys, but neither do you have to let them run amok. The best way to get them under some degree of control is to start tuning in to your self-talk.

You’re engaging in some variation of self-talk whenever you:

  • Explain yourself to yourself
  • Explain external events and other people to yourself
  • Assign blame
  • Rationalize
  • Justify
  • Judge
  • React to events and other people
  • Rehash events
  • Mentally argue with yourself or others
  • Come to conclusions
  • Try to make decisions
  • Recall past events
  • Berate yourself
  • Make comparisons
  • Make predictions about the future
  • Encourage yourself
  • Give yourself directions
  • Remind yourself or keep a mental to-do list
  • Rehearse for the future

Much self-talk is not very productive or what you would call positive. But self-talk can have a very powerful effect on you.

Anyone listening in on your internal monologue, particularly in times of nerves, anxiety, or fear, might hear a verbal rabbit hole of unreasonable negativity and self-berating. —Janet Choi

Self-Talk Helps Maintain the Status Quo

The incessant jabbering in your brain is one way System 1 keeps you from veering off course. If you’re satisfied with the course you’re on, thank System 1 for helping you stay on it. If you’re trying to change some aspect of your behavior, however, listening unquestioningly to your self-talk is problematic. It’s part of the ongoing narrative your inner interpreter spins to make sense of your life. It may not seem like a big a deal, but it is. It’s as if you’re being blasted incessantly with so much propaganda from a dictatorial regime that you eventually come to believe it.

Believing your own self-talk can lead to a whole host of additional problems.

Negative Self-Talk Keeps You Down

When your monkeys are in charge, it’s harder to:

  • Remember
  • Concentrate
  • “Do the right thing”
  • Relax
  • Learn
  • Maintain your equanimity
  • Respond to life’s challenges
  • Experience joy
  • Follow through on your intentions
  • Be present

It’s also easier to:

  • Make mistakes
  • Stress out
  • Get depressed
  • Make snap judgments
  • Blow things out of proportion
  • Lose sight of the bigger picture
  • Get into arguments
  • Miss what’s right in front of you
  • Get hijacked by external (often fleeting) events
  • Continue unproductive habits
Frequent Negative Self-Talk Can Lead to Rumination

According to Susan Nolen-Hoeksema of Yale University, the definition of rumination is: a tendency to passively think about the meaning, origins, and consequences of your negative emotions.

Rumination isn’t the same as worry. Worry tends to be focused on the future (an anticipated threat), while rumination tends to be focused on the past or present (some form of loss). Almost everyone ruminates from time to time, but rumination has the potential to become a mental habit you can fall into automatically without thinking about it. And habits are notoriously difficult to break.

Rumination feels like problem-solving but it actually prevents you from solving problems because it keeps you focused on negative events and emotions.

Frequent rumination leaves individuals highly vulnerable to several problematic outcomes, particularly future episodes of depression. —Michael Anestis

You can ruminate about external situations and events and about relationships or you can ruminate over your own perceived mistakes and shortcomings (self-rumination).

Addressing Negative Self-Talk

If your self-talk has a tendency to accentuate the negative, you can help yourself avoid getting sucked into the vortex by practicing self-distancing. All that means is getting a little space between you and your self-talk so you are not stuck inside your own head.

Two ways to do that are:

  1. Avoid Talking to Yourself in the First Person
    If you use the first person when you talk to yourself, switch to the second- or third-person or address yourself by name. This allows you to gain some perspective regarding the situation. Getting into the habit of using second-person, for example, or addressing yourself directly diminishes the voice of your inner critic.
    .
  2. Have a Dialogue with the Wiser You
    Assemble paper, pen, and a timer. Begin by asking your Wiser Self a question about the situation (or feelings) at hand. Allow a written dialogue to evolve between you and your Wiser Self. Ask for suggestions and encouragement. Then use your self-talk to give yourself instructions and support.

Some of the bonuses of practicing self-distancing are:

  • A decrease in rumination
  • An increase in problem-solving ability
  • Disruption of the status quo
  • More self-awareness
  • Greater confidence
Self-Observation

Tuning in to your self-talk is a good way to find out what’s going on in there (inside your head). The problem is that once you start paying attention to your self-talk, you’ll likely feel an overpowering urge to change it. It’s difficult for us to observe anything without having a judgment about it, so observing your self-talk will take practice.

You can develop the habit of paying attention to your self-talk if you get a pocket-sized notebook to carry with you. When you notice your self-talk, jot down the date, time, and a brief summary of (or comment on) your self-talk. The more often you write in it, the more aware you will become of the way you talk to yourself, what you talk to yourself about, and what effect it has on you.

Remember that Self-Talk Radio is always on the air—so you can tune in any time.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

L Is for Luck

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Plans, practice, and preparation are all useful, even essential, if you want to accomplish anything significant in life. But no matter how rock-solid they are, your plans, practice, and preparation cannot immunize you against random occurrences, aka luck. Your luck in a given circumstance may be good or bad, but by its nature it isn’t predictable.

A good definition of luck is:

The chance happening of fortunate or adverse events.

It’s important to recognize that, statistically speaking, random events occur far more often and have a far greater impact on us than we recognize. Events outside our control will occur. When everything goes according to plan or falls into place, we can thank our lucky stars. But we can’t count on being lucky. And we can’t take credit for luck.

The fact that luck is something we can’t control automatically casts it in a bad light. Both the nature of it and the outcome are uncertain and uncertainty gives the unconscious part of our brain the heebie jeebies. We prefer to operate under the illusion of control, maintaining our belief that we can influence outcomes even in the face of significant irrefutable evidence to the contrary.

Thus there are people who believe they create their own luck. “Chance favors the prepared mind,” said Louis Pasteur. And in some circumstances that’s true. You can’t necessarily take advantage of advantageous circumstances if you don’t know how to respond or are not prepared to do so. You can, to an extent, be ready to open your arms to random good fortune—which would certainly be more welcome than bad fortune.

Estimating Impact

However, good fortune does not always lead to good outcomes. Take lottery winners, a group that has been the subject of numerous studies. Not everyone who wins the lottery ends up worse off than they were before—but a surprising number of winners do. And most report being no happier after winning than people who didn’t win.

Our beliefs about outcomes are strongly affected by one of the cognitive biases we’re afflicted with. This one is known as the impact bias, and it has two parts. We think we know whether a future potential event will affect us in a positive or in a negative way. And we’re usually pretty good at getting that prediction right. We also think we know how large or small that impact will be and how long it will last. That’s where we often miss the mark by anticipating that both good and bad events will affect us more—and for longer—than they actually will.

Something that is pretty predictable is that you’re more likely to overreact to bad luck when you aren’t fully committed to your current plan of action. If you’re more or less going through the motions, it won’t take much to blow you off course or permanently derail you. You might think what you’re up to is just not meant to be or that you don’t have what it takes.

That’s why it’s critical to get very, very clear about your desired outcome ahead of time. If you have a strong commitment to what you’re going after, you’re more likely to consider bad luck a bump in the road. Maybe it’s a small bump or maybe it’s an enormous boulder. Nevertheless, you’ll be more inclined to figure out how to navigate around it and continue on your way if you really want what’s on the other side and if you know the next steps you need to take.

Enter the Black Swan

Sometimes luck, good or bad, has a relatively minor effect. On the other hand, luck—in the form of what Nassim Taleb calls Black Swans—can be life-changing. Taleb describes a so-called Black Swan this way:

First, it is an outlier, as it lies outside the realm of regular expectations, because nothing in the past can convincingly point to its possibility. Second, it carries an extreme impact. Third, in spite of its outlier status, human nature makes us concoct explanations for its occurrence after the fact, making it explainable and predictable.

The majority of swans are white, so black swans are unexpected. As Taleb says, on September 10, 2011, the events of September 11 were not reasonably conceivable. If they had been, something could have been done to prevent them.

A Black Swan event can permanently alter your course or at the very least make it vastly more difficult to pursue. But you can’t anticipate such events or know whether they will be positive or negative. What you can be certain about is what is meaningful to you. If the course you’re on is massively disrupted, you will still have the knowledge of what’s important to you, even if you have to find a completely different way to create it in your life.

If there’s something you want to do and the main thing holding you back is uncertainty, try imagining a world where all is preordained, everything is known in advance, and there is no possibility of surprise. Is that really a world you’d want to live in?

You can’t predict the future no matter how much your brain wants you to believe you can. Although you can—and should—plan ahead, it’s important to remember that the path from here to there is rarely a straight line. Randomness and luck often play a larger role in both process and outcome than we’d like to acknowledge.

In the long run, how you respond (persevere) in the face of setbacks and random events is more important than achieving instant or quick success. And you can take all the credit for persevering.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

F Is for Feedback

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loop

Any action you take generates some type of feedback. The result can be monumental or tiny, desirable or undesirable, expected or wildly surprising. If you’re paying attention, you might notice what happens after you do something and use that feedback to determine what to do next. If you’re driving along a snowy road and your car begins to skid, the skid lets you know conditions require some type of adjustment. You don’t want to get into an accident, so you slow down. Maybe you slow down intentionally, but maybe you’ve done this a thousand times and adjust your speed automatically without even noticing.

Your brain has criteria for evaluating the data provided by physiological feedback loops (in order to maintain your body temperature and signal when you need to eat or drink—or stop eating or drinking). It also has criteria for evaluating the data provided by your mental, emotional, and behavioral feedback loops. The problem is that these criteria are part of your mental model of the world, much of which is unconscious, which means you’re not aware of it.

David DiSalvo calls feedback loops “the engines of your adaptive brain.”

Day in and day out, we make decisions based on the results of feedback loops that run in our minds without our noticing. None of us stops to think through each stage of the loop—how the data we’ve gathered is being processed to lead us to our next action. And yet, even without our conscious monitoring, the loops just keep moving.

The Four Stages of a Feedback Loop

Science writer Thomas Goetz described feedback loops in Wired Magazine:

Evidence
First comes the data: A behavior must be measured, captured, and stored.

Relevance
Second, the information must be relayed to the individual, not in the raw-data form in which it was captured but in a context that makes it emotionally resonant.

Consequence
But even compelling information is useless if we don’t know what to make of it. The information must illuminate one or more paths ahead.

Action
There must be a clear moment when the individual can recalibrate a behavior, make a choice, and act.

After that action is measured, the feedback loop can run once more, every action stimulating new behaviors that inch us closer to our goals.

As DiSalvo says, we make decisions based on the results of feedback loops, but even in cases where we’re making decisions rather than simply reacting, it would be more accurate to say we make decisions based on our interpretation of the results of feedback loops. The apparent result of an action we’ve taken—the evidence—has to be interpreted for relevance and consequence before we can determine how to react.

alphabet-changeYour brain does not necessarily objectively evaluate the data presented to it. Because you perceive the world through your particular mental model, you’re predisposed to interpret the results of your actions in certain ways. This can be problematic especially when you’re presented with negative evidence. Things didn’t work out the way you planned; you did something other than what you intended or wanted to do; or you’re faced with unexpected obstacles. The most useful way to respond to such information is to look at it objectively: you tried something and it didn’t work. You can then try to figure out why it didn’t work and decide whether to try it again or to do something else.

Your Brain Prefers to Maintain the Status Quo

Let’s say you normally dine out with a group of friends once a week at which time you tend to overindulge a bit. You’ve now decided to cut back on the calories and have a vague idea of ordering something from the lighter side of the menu. But once you’re at the restaurant, menu in hand, you find yourself quickly scanning the lower-calorie items  and then ordering what you always order.

You’re disappointed in yourself, especially when you think about it afterward. You’ve had similar experiences before, so you interpret it as just another example—more proof—of how little willpower you have.

Confirmation bias is powerful. If you believe you lack willpower, you’re likely to view the negative results of your actions as confirmation of your preexisting belief. Once you interpret your result as proof of a preexisting belief, you’re much less likely to attempt to figure out what didn’t work and what to do next and much more likely to give up. At that point, the habit or behavior you were trying to change becomes even more entrenched and the goal you were trying to achieve seems even more distant.

But if you looked at this situation objectively, in terms of gathering data (feedback) so you could decide what to do next time, you might see it differently.

You might remind yourself that your brain prefers to maintain the status quo. So when you went to a familiar restaurant where all the familiar cues and triggers kicked in, the result you got—ordering the usual—was really quite predictable. The feedback to store is that going into this situation with a vague idea but no plan doesn’t work. Next time, you could try deciding ahead of time what you’re going to order so you don’t have to be tempted by the menu. If that doesn’t work, you could suggest meeting your friends at a different restaurant that doesn’t have the same kind of food-related associations.

How you perceive and interpret what happens after you take, attempt to take, or fail to take action strongly affects your chances of success. Not everything you try is going to go smoothly or work out the way you hoped it would. Sometimes the road is slippery, under construction, or takes a detour. Noticing that what you tried simply didn’t work will allow you to use the information to help you determine the best action to take next—as will noticing when what you tried did work.

Part of the series A-Z: An Alphabet of Change.

Answers to the Memory Quiz

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true-or-false

Here are the answers to yesterday’s Memory Quiz. It’s important to bear in mind that no one is immune from widespread memory distortions. We integrate things that really happened with things that are generally true. The only way you can confirm whether or not a memory is true is to obtain corroborating evidence. In many cases, that isn’t possible; so you can rarely have complete certainty.

  1. The more confident you feel about a memory, the more likely it is to be factual.
    False
    Confidence is a feeling. Your level of confidence bears no direct relationship to the accuracy of your memory. You can feel as confident about a false memory as you do about a real one.
    –
  2. False memories are rare occurrences.
    False
    False memories are not uncommon. They can be induced intentionally or accidentally. We all have them, so when someone claims a false memory as a true one, we shouldn’t automatically assume that person is lying.
    –
  3. You remember the things that have a strong emotional component.
    True
    Strong emotion—positive or negative—is one of the criteria your brain uses to decide that something is worth storing in long-term memory.
    –
  4. The more details you recall, the more likely it is that a particular memory is accurate and/or true.
    False
    The amount of detail associated with a memory is unrelated to its accuracy. A false memory can have a great amount of detail associated with it. Your brain can’t tell the difference.
    –
  5. The more often you recall a memory, the more opportunities you have to alter it.
    True
    Every time you recall a memory, you put it into a “plastic” state, thereby exposing it to disruption and alteration. You reconstruct it when recalling it and again when storing it.
    –
  6. Something you’re really interested in is more likely to be stored in your long-term memory than something you’re not interested in.
    True
    You can remember all kinds of things that might be inconsequential to other people (sports statistics, song lyrics, movie plots, your grades) if those things are important to you.
    –
  7. You tend to recall so-called flashbulb memories—extremely vivid, powerful, and significant memories—with greater accuracy.
    False
    You may believe you have greater recall of flashbulb memories—that they’re somehow indelibly imprinted in your brain—but lots and lots of evidence indicates that the details you recall about such incidents are no more accurate than the details you recall about anything else.
    –
  8. The best way to get accurate information from people is to ask them open-ended questions.
    True
    If you ask people closed—or leading—questions (What color was her hair? or Wasn’t she a brunette?) you’re more likely to get incorrect answers. So it’s best to ask fewer questions and allow people to relate the story in their own way.
    –
  9. A confession is a reliable indication of culpability because people rarely confess to crimes they didn’t commit.
    False
    There are numerous examples demonstrating that the techniques used by law enforcement to induce confessions are very successful in getting people to not only confess to crimes they didn’t commit, but also to come to believe they did, in fact, commit them.
    –
  10. When you try to suppress a specific memory, you’re likely to develop other memory deficits that seem unrelated.
    True
    The system for targeting memory suppression has been described as “kind of dumb.” When you try to suppress a particular memory, you’re likely to end up suppressing associated memories, too.
    –
  11. Your recollection of a memory can be influenced and altered based on the circumstances you’re in when you recall it.
    True
    Where you are, who you’re with, how you feel, the state of your mood (and mind), how long ago the event occurred—all of those things and many more can affect your recollection of your memory. We also edit our memories, without being aware we’re doing so, to reflect our current beliefs and biases.
    –
  12. Eyewitness testimony is reliable.
    False
    Eyewitness testimony is reliably unreliable for many reasons. For one, if you’re the eyewitness, the memory of the event is part of your autobiographical memory and subject to all the same distortions. For another, what you recall will be, in part, determined by the questions you’re asked and the way they’re asked.
    –
  13. You don’t remember much from before the age of three because your brain hadn’t yet learned how to encode long-term memories.
    True
    It isn’t until around age seven that concepts critical to the storage of long-term memories (including using a calendar, understanding the days of the week and seasons, and developing a sense of self) have been learned.
    –
  14. You have equal recall of the beginnings, middles, and endings of what you remember.
    False
    You have better recall of beginnings and endings—especially of endings—than you do of what happened in the middle. You’re likely to base your feelings about an event on how it ended.
    –
  15. There is no evidence for repressed memory.
    True
    The idea behind the concept of repressed memory is that traumatic memories are automatically banished to the unconscious and “forgotten.” But the reality is that, with some exceptions, traumatic memories are more likely to be remembered than to be forgotten because remembering them is important to our survival.
    –
  16. Mindfulness meditation may make you more susceptible to developing false memories.
    True
    Mindfulness can lead to confusion about the source of a memory: did it actually happen to you or did you imagine it happening? Misattributing the source of a memory is the basis for the development of false memories.

How did you do?

Take the Memory Quiz

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memories

Here’s a quiz you can take to find out how much you know about making and accessing memories. Daniel Schacter, author of The Seven Sins of Memory, contends that the problems we experience with memory are “by-products” of adaptive and useful aspects of the human mind. If we can better understand how memory works and what its purpose is, we can better appreciate the process of memory-making. That might help us avoid getting into arguments with other people based on whose memories are right and whose are wrong. To a great extent, they’re all wrong.

Check in tomorrow for the answers.

  1. The more confident you feel about a memory, the more likely it is to be factual. [–] True [–] False
    –
  2. False memories are rare occurrences. [–] True [–] False
    –
  3. You remember the things that have a strong emotional component. [–] True [–] False
    –
  4. The more details you recall, the more likely it is that a particular memory is accurate and/or true. [–] True [–] False
    –
  5. The more often you recall a memory, the more opportunities you have to alter it. [–] True [–] False
    –
  6. Something you’re really interested in is more likely to be stored in your long-term memory than something you’re not interested in. [–] True [–] False
    –
  7. You tend to recall so-called flashbulb memories—extremely vivid, powerful, and significant memories—with greater accuracy. [–] True
    [–] False
    –
  8. The best way to get accurate information from people is to ask them open-ended questions. [–] True [–] False
    –
  9. A confession is a reliable indication of culpability because people rarely confess to crimes they didn’t commit.[–] True [–] False
    –
  10. When you try to suppress a specific memory, you’re likely to develop other memory deficits that seem unrelated. [–] True [–] False
    –
  11. Your recollection of a memory can be influenced and altered based on the circumstances you’re in when you recall it. [–] True [–] False
    –
  12. Eyewitness testimony is reliable. [–] True [–] False
    –
  13. You don’t remember much from before the age of three because your brain hadn’t yet learned how to encode long-term memories. [–] True [–] False
    –
  14. You have equal recall of the beginnings, middles, and endings of what you remember. [–] True [–] False
    –
  15. There is no evidence for repressed memory. [–] True [–] False
    –
  16. Mindfulness meditation may make you more susceptible to developing false memories. [–] True [–] False

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