Beliefs Archives - Page 15 of 24

How Can You Live Passionately?

September 11, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

passion

We don’t go looking for a solution until we have a problem to solve.

This is one of those things in life that seems pretty straightforward—and sometimes it is. But surprisingly often it isn’t. It’s more likely to be straightforward when the problem or issue at hand is small or simple and less likely to be straightforward when the problem is big or complex.

Complex problems can be difficult to see clearly. The unconscious part of our brain has a couple of habits that prevent us from seeing and defining complex issues of any kind. For one thing, it’s quick to jump to conclusions and to treat those conclusions as facts. For another, it craves certainty and being right, so it’s more comfortable with things that are easy to understand and that it already knows something about.

The result is that from time to time we go off on wild goose chases seeking a solution to the wrong problem because we asked the wrong question. No matter how good the solution, it won’t solve that particular problem.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the idea—or problem, if you will—of living with passion. If I believe passion means a passion, such as a calling—what and who I am meant to be—then the question I might ask is “What is my passion?” or “How can I find my passion?” That’s not an uncommon way to define the problem. Those are not uncommon questions to ask. And numerous roadmaps and processes are available to assist me—purportedly—in finding and following my passion.

But that’s not the only way to define the problem. In fact, it’s fairly narrow in scope and definition. If I believe living with passion requires finding my passion that makes me an arrow in search of a target, hoping I can hit the bull’s eye. What if I fail in my quest? Am I doomed to the booby prize: a passionless life?

If instead I ask, “How can I live a passionate life?” of “How can I live passionately?” that leads me down an entirely different path and to a much more interesting question: “What gets in the way of living passionately?” Now this is a worthy question to ask.

What gets in the way of living passionately?

I suspect the answer is the same for everyone. What gets in the way is us, specifically the things we tell ourselves, our considerations, our expectations, the preconditions we demand of life, or fear of feeling fear (occasionally known as excitement), and on and on. We’re afraid of stepping up, taking a risk, facing uncertainty, getting hurt or burned, failing, caring too much, or exceeding our reach. The unconscious part of our brain is wired for survival. Passion is definitely not part of its plan.

What gets in the way of living passionately is not our circumstances. It’s our own non-stop mental blah, blah, blah that keeps passion at arm’s length. If we want to live passionately, we can start doing it any time. There’s nothing to search for or to find, either within or without. There’s nothing stopping us from living passionately this very moment but ourselves.

What’s getting in the way of living passionately for you?

A Case for Lucid Waking

September 7, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

lucid dreaming

You have to hand it to humans. As a species, we are seriously and committedly wrong-headed about so very many things. And we have a high level of confidence about our beliefs and convictions regardless of how much or how little that confidence is warranted.

For example, we think we’re aware (we understand what’s going on) while we’re awake, so it isn’t that much of a leap for some of us to want to be aware of our dreams while we’re dreaming. A Google search for “lucid dreaming” brought up about 673,000 hits, whereas a similar search for “lucid waking” brought up about 10,200. I’m surprised there were that many.

Reportedly, the person who coined the term lucid dreaming—Frederik van Eeden—considered lucid to be synonymous with mental clarity. And therein lies one of the problems. Mental clarity is sorely lacking in the waking lives of most people. This is a fact, not an indictment. We spend most of our days operating on autopilot, at the effect of biases, triggers and cues, and mental processes we have no conscious knowledge of. Most of what’s going on around us is happening outside our awareness. However, we don’t let that diminish our sense of certainty.

We’re very good at coming up with plausible sounding explanations for behavior and events. But just because we can come up with explanations doesn’t mean they’re accurate. Our stories and explanations are developed after the fact to create a cause-and-effect stream that feels like real life. We don’t do it intentionally—at least not usually. It happens automatically, with no effort on our part. It’s how we make sense of the world. Our stories and explanations provide us with a false sense of complacency, comfort, and security. They give us the illusion of mental clarity but not much of the real thing.

And it’s from this vantage point that we set out to develop mental clarity—or the illusion of mental clarity—about our dreams.

My thought is that we might want to redirect our efforts toward lucid waking. If, as a species, we developed greater mental clarity about how we operate while we’re awake, we might be able to take a stab at solving some of the serious problems we face. That seems like a more practical and worthwhile focus for our attention.

What’s Wrong with Precommitment Devices?

August 10, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 3 Comments

Odysseus tied on the mast. Icon for the Greek ...

A precommitment device is a strategy for forcing yourself to do something you think you should do but you don’t actually want to do. You might resort to a precommitment device if your will power and self-control have failed to do the trick. The most famous example of someone using a precommitment device is Odysseus having himself tied to the mast of his ship to avoid the temptation of the sirens.

The most common precommitment devices involve agreeing to forfeit a certain sum of money if you fail to achieve a goal or accomplish a particular task. You could make an agreement with yourself to donate money to a charity if you fail to attend the gym three times a week, lose a specific amount of weight, or complete the next chapter of your book. Of course, if you’re the only one who knows about this agreement, you can easily waffle and wiggle your way out of it.

A more binding agreement would be to agree to pay a friend that same amount of money if you fail to meet your goal. Not only would you lose money, you would also experience some degree of shame. That’s the premise behind precommitment devices: we will do what’s good for us in order to avoid the threat of negative consequences. That’s also what makes them problematic.

Underlying the popularity of precommitment devices is the assumption that we are, in general, rational beings who want to avoid negative consequences. But there’s not a lot of evidence support that idea, and if it were true, we wouldn’t need precommitment devices to begin with. Rational beings who were aware of potential negative consequences would all be healthy, law-abiding, diligent, honest, tidy, sober, rule-following good citizens. Obviously, we are not all that. Precommitment devices have something in common with affirmations, which is that the people they work for probably need them the least.

Loss aversion is one rationale offered for using precommitment devices. It’s true we are programmed to avoid losses, but a loss of enjoyment can be experienced as a loss, too. In some cases a more significant loss than the loss of a few bucks.

Another problem with precommitment devices is that they are black and white. Either you do it or you don’t. You win or you lose. You avoid temptation or you give in to it. This isn’t a scenario that allows for being present, noticing what’s actually happening, learning something about yourself or what you’re attempting to do, or adjusting your course. This is more about getting the upper hand over your recalcitrant, weak-willed self. And when the next such situation arises, you will have to do battle with that bad boy self all over again.

There’s Another Way to Make a Precommitment

Creating an intention is a form of precommitment, too, but one without the threat of negative consequences. Creating an intention also takes into consideration the fact that what you’re attempting is not easy, but without judging your supposed lack of self-control. Changing any behavior is difficult simply because we’re wired to keep doing whatever we have been doing. Creating an intention—as part of the I.A.P. process—allows you to focus on something you want to do or be as opposed to something you don’t want to do or be. It helps you keep your attention on your desired outcome and motivates you to keep going, one step at a time, even when the going is difficult. Instead of having to be good or pay the price for being bad, you aim to keep getting better. You don’t have to initiate or engage in an inner struggle with yourself. And instead of forking over cash when you fail, you get to reward yourself when you succeed.

Have you ever used a precommitment device? If so, how did it work for you?

What’s Choice Got to Do with It?

June 23, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell Leave a Comment

What’s the difference between the things you want to do that you’re actually doing and the things you want to do that you’re struggling with doing?

It often comes down to this: you think you have a choice about doing the things you’re struggling with.

If you’re clear about why you’re doing something (or want to do something) and you’re committed to doing it, you don’t waste ongoing time and effort choosing whether or not to do it each time the situation arises. What kind of sense would that make? It’s something you want to do, you know why you want to do it, and you’re committed to doing it. It may not be easy, but that’s a separate issue. The point is that there’s nothing to be gained—and something to be lost—by not doing it.

If you have a kid in school who you pick up every afternoon, you don’t think I really should go get Josh, but nah, I’m going to stay home and watch this movie.

If you have a job you value, you don’t wake up each morning wondering Hmmm, what should I do today? Go to work? Check out the horse races? Maybe drive out to the coast for a leisurely lunch?

If you have a pet you care for, you don’t ask yourself Should I buy food for Fluffy this week or spend the money on a bottle of wine?

Picking up your kid after school every day may be inconvenient. Getting up and going to work may be an effort some days more than others, even if you love you job. Caring for a pet can be expensive (and maybe Fluffy needs to be on a diet, but still…). There may be some struggle involved in all three situations—but the struggle isn’t about whether or not to follow through on your commitment. It’s a given that you will.

So if you think you have a choice about whether or not to do something, you probably aren’t clear about why you want to do it and you aren’t committed to doing it.

~ ~ ~

Thanks to the participants of the Create Your Own Story! course for inspiring this post.

Who Will Your Future Self Be?

June 14, 2014 by Joycelyn Campbell 4 Comments

Your past self, your present self, and your future self are three different selves. Daniel Gilbert, who wrote Stumbling on Happiness, explains that we can’t predict what will make our future self happy because the future is fundamentally different from the present–and we lack the imagination to fully recognize and take into account that very basic fact.

I recommend the book and the short TED talk below.

At every stage of our lives we make decisions that will profoundly influence the lives of the people we’re going to become, and then when we become those people, we’re not always thrilled with the decisions we made.

Most of us have a tough time imagining a tomorrow that is terribly different from today, and we find it particularly difficult to imagine that we will ever think, want, or feel differently than we do now.

Imagination cannot easily transcend the boundaries of the present, and one reason for this is that it must borrow machinery that is owned by perception. The fact that these two processes must run on the same platform means that we are sometimes confused about which one is running. We assume that what we feel as we imagine the future is what we’ll feel when we get there, but in fact, what we feel as we imagine the future is often a response to what’s happening in the present.

Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our life is change. –Daniel Gilbert

There’s Another Way to Make a Precommitment

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