The desire to make a change often results from dissatisfaction with some aspect of the current situation, such as too much debt, not enough energy, too much clutter, monotonous or stressful work, loneliness, boredom, or poor health. When your level of dissatisfaction crosses a threshold, you feel an urge to do something about it. Or at least you recognize you definitely don’t want what you have, whatever that may be.
Not wanting something—even when you recognize the benefit of changing it and even when you’re agitated about the extent to which you dislike it—might propel you into taking action. But evidence suggests the action you take under those circumstances is more likely to keep you stuck in the status quo than help you change it. You might speed up the hamster wheel temporarily, but spinning in place won’t get you anywhere, and it might dig you into a deeper hole.
You need a strategy to overcome your brain’s resistance to change.
Here are six keys to developing the skills for creating positive change in any area of your life.
1. Identify What You Want or Where You Want to Be
This may seem obvious, but it is far from easy for most people. Knowing what you want includes identifying both a specific, measurable objective (exactly what you want to accomplish and when) and a desired outcome (the difference you hope accomplishing this objective will make in your life).
It’s relatively easy to fixate on an objective, but objectives are the means to an end. If you aren’t clear about why you want to achieve an objective—what your desired outcome is—you will have less motivation to follow through, and even if you do achieve it, you may be disappointed in the outcome.
That’s why identifying your Big Picture Wants is so important.
When your desired outcomes and objectives line up with your Big Picture Wants, you’re much more likely to be satisfied when you achieve them.
2. Identify Where You Are Now
If you wanted to travel from one physical location to another, you would have to figure out both your starting point and your destination before plotting a course between here and there.
While it might seem obvious that you need to know where you want to go, it may be less obvious that you also need to determine where you’re starting from.
Identifying where you are now requires self-awareness and honest self-assessment but without the usual self-judgment. It also requires System 2 (conscious) attention, which is difficult to sustain and in short supply. So this may not be as enjoyable as thinking about creative possibilities. However, if you don’t direct some System 2 attention to your current situation first, System 1 is likely to jump in and send you off on a wild goose chase looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places.
3. Have a Sense of Urgency about Getting from Here to There
System 1 (the unconscious) is powerful and relentless. If you want to change the status quo, you need an equally powerful and relentless force to counteract it and get it to work for you rather than against you. The fact that something is important to you isn’t enough. Potential negative consequences are not enough. And understanding the benefits of making a change or accomplishing something aren’t enough.
Your brain is a wanting machine.
The best way to get it fully on board with your desired outcome is to make what’s important to you as compelling to it as possible. If you don’t identify and go after what you want, you will get what System 1 wants.
What System 1 wants is to continue doing whatever it’s been doing. All the shiny objects it responds to and the immediate gratification it seeks can easily distract you away from your good ideas and good intentions and leave you frustrated and stuck.
4. Develop a Reliable Sense of Personal Agency
Agency is the feeling you have of being in charge in your life. It’s your ability to take action to influence the outcome of events.
Agency isn’t the same thing as willpower or confidence.
Not everything is within your control; even in areas where you do have control, you may have a little or a lot. It’s important to be able to assess a situation to determine how much and what kind of agency you have so you can take effective action where and when it will make a difference instead of wasting time and energy or trying to “muscle” your way.
Making accurate distinctions about what you can and can’t control will help you succeed in achieving your goals and accomplishing what you set out to do in spite of the obstacles you may face.
5. Develop Effective Tools to Help You Get Where (and What) You Want
Moment-to-moment, your brain is focused on figuring out what to do next (not what to think about or feel). So effective tools for change are based on taking action that recognizes how the brain works and engages it instead of fighting it. If you want to change a habit, for example, you will be more successful if you take the time to identify both the cue or the trigger that initiates the behavior and the reward you get from it.
You can change pathways in your brain, but not overnight (or in 21 days). The process requires repetition and perseverance—and rewarding yourself for “good behavior.” That’s why it’s vital to know what you want, to have a sense of urgency about getting it, and to be able to determine where and how to direct your efforts.
Dream big, but take baby steps. The more small successes you have in following through on your intentions, achieving your goals, and changing your habits, the greater success you will have in your future endeavors. Those baby steps add up, and they train your brain to take you seriously.
6. Learn How to Respond to Feedback
Any action you take generates some type of feedback. It moves you closer to or farther away from your objective. Or it maintains the status quo. The brain isn’t necessarily objective about evaluating data presented to it—especially when the data is negative.
Sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned; or you do something other than what you intended or wanted to do; or you’re faced with unexpected obstacles. The most useful way to respond to such a situation is to evaluate it to determine why it didn’t work and decide whether to try it again or to do something else.
The more skilled you become at interpreting the feedback you receive after taking, attempting to take, or failing to take action, the better you will be at maintaining or adjusting your course. Not everything you try will go smoothly or work out the way you planned.
Sometimes the road is slippery, under construction, or takes a detour.
Noticing that what you tried simply didn’t work will allow you to use the information to help you determine the best action to take next—as will noticing when what you tried did work.
The Bottom Line
Change is possible, but it isn’t probable because your brain is change-averse. It will continue doing what it’s been doing unless you persuade it to do something different. Creating positive change requires:
- identifying what you want
- assessing your current status quo
- having a sense of urgency about what you want to accomplish or the change you want to make
- developing a reliable sense of personal agency
- using tools that engage your brain
- accurately interpreting and responding to feedback.
You can master the six keys the same way you can get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice!